Talking about Relationship (This Time It's My Story)

So, I want to talk about my current relationship but I don't know where to start. Duh.

Let me try...  My boyfriend and I went to the same primary school, same junior high school, and same senior high school. All those 12 years, we didn't know each other personally. Well, we knew each other's face and name and that's it.

We went to different universities in 2012. Then in 2014 we started chatting online and we always had good conversation. 

As time went by, I thought to myself, "Does he flirt with me?" and yes, he flirted and sometimes he had funny pickup lines that I couldn't help laughing. He still does that. Damn, I smile while writing this. 

However, I hadn't been interested in relationship for years so I just talked to him casually as a friend. I responded to his pickup line with another joke that often made him felt like, "Aaaaaarrrrggghh!!!" 

I told Lady Slytherin about this. I said, "Well, I guess I could like him if he can continue it long enough." She asked, "What if he's tired and he goes finding someone else?" I said, "That's okay. I'm not ready for a relationship anyway."

Recently, I found a blog post that described my feeling about him in the beginning here. That post is about potential love. It says, "Have you ever felt a potential love for someone? Like, you don't actually love them and you know you don't, but you know you could. You realise that you could easily fall in love with them...."

Back to my story, we once met for a few minutes to lend him my book. I forget when that happened. Months later, in June 2017, we agreed to meet in a book store because where else should I go for a first date (book lover mode: on)? We met another high school friend in that book store and this friend looked at us suspiciously. We greeted him and he looked like he wanted to ask question but he didn't ask. He was too shocked, probably.

We went out together five times until finally he asked me to be his girlfriend last November. I had the proclivity to avoiding commitment but I thought again, I always enjoyed my time with him and it didn't hurt to give this relationship a try. He is willing to communicate his thought and opinion. He also lets me do the same. In other words, we're good for each other so I said yes. 

We're finally in a relationship after 3 years. Our friends say that's a long time. Well, it really takes a long time for me to trust someone. It takes me longer to let myself commit to a relationship so that long time is worth spending.

How do I feel about him? He's different. Back in the past, when I had a crush or fell in love, I felt a little uncomfortable. I have come a long way in the term of loving myself. In the past, I often thought too hard on how to impress the guy I liked. With my boyfriend now, I feel all right. We have our fight, of course, but we talk through it. This is why I was once confused about how I felt because love used to make me uncomfortable.

Now if you ask me whether I love him, I will say yes, I do love him.

Story of a Blind Date

It was Saturday afternoon and the boutique is quite crowded. Elza talked to some customers and helped them choose the clothes when suddenly,

"Elza, do you have a plan for next week on Saturday evening?" Ryan asked.

"Actually no. Wait, I'm talking to a customer, you mannerless spongehead," Elza then continued talking to the customer. 

After that, she approached Ryan and asked, "Why did you ask about my plan?"

"First thing first, I don't think it's a good manner to call me mannerless spongehead in front of customers. For your question, I'm going to reserve a table for you in the fancy restaurant on Fremont street, I forget the restaurant's name. Eh, you're still single right?"

"What the hell Ryan? Are you asking me for a date?" Elza rolled her eyes.

"Of course not me, duh. I'm setting you for a blind date," Ryan grinned in his usual childish expression.

"Is this part of a mission? Also, Ryan, everytime you make that face, I have bad feeling," said Elza.

"Relax. You prepare your dress and makeup then have fun," Ryan said then left.

A week later, Ryan drove the car to take Elza.

"Are you still sure that maroon is the right colour for the dress to wear on first date?"

"Ryan, if he's going to date me, he'd better get used to my style," Elza said.

"And you also wear maroon lipstick. Is that necessary?" Ryan asked.

"Yes. Problem?"

The car becomes silent after that.

They arrived at the restaurant then a host greeted them and showed them to the table.

"Rook? Roy?" Elza looked at the man who already sat at the table with a younger guy beside him.

"Oh, hi Rook. I see that my brother Roy took you here earlier."

"Explain this, Ryan," Rook glared at Ryan.

"You two enjoy your dinner. Eh, Roy, give your car key to Rook. I'll drive you home. Don't get involved in their adult business, kid. Now, do you want to play Mario Kart?" Ryan pulled Roy's shoulder after Roy gave Rook his car key.

"So, did Ryan..." 

"Yes, that spongehead told me that he set me up for a blind date," Elza cut Rook's question.

"And you agreed?"

"You also agreed."

"Well... Uhm, anyway, you look stunning in that dress," Rook said. "I still hate you, though," he added quickly.

"You also look fine in suit and I still hate you," Elza retorted.

They both ate in silence then Elza noticed that Rook started getting sweaty.

"It's hot, eh? I'm surprised that you don't take off your jacket."

"Ryan says that a gentleman should never take off his jacket. I'm a gentleman so I don't take off my jacket," said Rook.

"Correct. Ryan knows such rule but he doesn't follow it. What a spongehead."

Rook smiled hearing that. "Do you want to go somewhere else after this?" he asked.

"Yes, please. Take me to game centre. We'll rock the place with this attire."

"As you wish," Rook laughed.



P.S. This is another fanfic of "Children of Altar" (sorry, hahaha...). I struggle with description in this fic. I could imagine their dialogue but I had no idea what to write aside from the dialogue. If you can give me advice then please kindly comment. Thank you.

Also, that part where Rook didn't take off his jacket was inspired by a video of Patrick Stump getting advice from older gentleman.

I never go to formal dinner at fancy restaurant so if I make mistake in this story, please tell me. I did my research but I could still make mistake.

Tips on Saving Money

I'm a bit of an impulsive buyer. However, recently my behaviour is turned down because a) I have come to my sense that I will not really need those things I want to buy, b) I have meager budget.

That leads me to an article "8 Simple Ways to Save Money" by Better Money Habits from Bank of America because I need to save money to support my impulsive shopping, right? (I don't have the right motivation, sorry). Let's review the tips.

1. Record your expenses: to be honest, I'm lazy to write expense record. However, as I recall my expenses, I spend so much money for food and makeup. Damn.

2. Make a budget: this sounds difficult but I may try.

3. Plan on saving money: I do plan on it, that's why I read that article. However, I'm often tempted to use my saved money for something else that wasn't intended at first.

4. Choose something to save for: I've mentioned my problem in point no. 3

5. Decide on your priorities: well... food is important. Okay, I'll be more careful about spending money on food then.

6. Pick the right tool: I don't intend to save my money for something big so...

7. Make saving automatic: on a side note, the saved money I talk about in no. 3 is not the money I save in bank. My money in bank is quite untouched since they're for my need in far future.

8. Watch your savings grow: I'm ready for this.

So yeah, wish me luck on spending and saving my money better.

Remember Me for Centuries

The prompt is legend and I instantly think about the song "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy. Let's just talk about that song and music video then.

The music video starts with a scene set in ancient Rome. A few seconds into the video, I had got the epic vibe then there was a lady in white gown with two lions behind her and some background done with annoying editing then I remembered that I was watching Fall Out Boy music video.

I like the lyrics to the song. It begins with "Some legends are told. Some turn to dust or to gold...." In the video we see a hooded man give stuff to each member of Fall Out Boy who are dressed in gladiator clothes. On a side note, they look so damn fine in such clothes.

There are some religious symbols in this video, I guess, like a crucified man, a lady with gown and veil surrounded by some people, and a man with mitre accompanied by three ladies. If anyone can explain that symbol, please leave me a comment. Thank you.

Next in the video, the boys fight a big man. Many people watch them including some from royalty. I adore the look of the beautiful lady who wears maroon dress with intricate pattern and pretty updo on her head (crown braid and bun).

Right when the lyrics come to "We've been here forever and here's the frozen proof. I could scream forever. We are the poisoned youth," the boys used the stuff given by the hooded man: rope, stone, and wrapping leather (?). They wrapped the stone in leather and tied it with rope. Pete then used it to attack the big man by doing hammer-throw style.

The boys win! After that the hooded man took of his hood and it is revealed that he has wings. 

The video has open ending with the boys having to face another opponent. 

If you have watched the video and you think I miss some details please tell me. Also, is the right phrase in this song "frozen proof", "chosen fruit", or "frozen fruit"?

Swim!

It was a peaceful Sunday morning. Roy played the Witcher on his laptop and suddenly... "Roy, take a bath and let's go!" Ryan shouted.

"No."

"Come on!" Ryan wrestled Roy and managed to shut down the laptop in the process.

"I hate you! I was continuing my game and you shut it down."

"Take a bath, we'll go swimming."

"Why should I take a bath? I'll get wet again once I swim," Roy retorted.

"You stink," Ryan said.

They walked to the public swimming pool and Roy asked, "What is it Ryan? You don't like swimming."

"Are you scared? Don't worry, the pool is shallow enough for you."

"No kidding. I'm a better swimmer between us and seriously, since when do you get excited to swim?"

"Well, actually that's the point. We have to add swimming to our training regime."

"Sounds all right. But we don't really have to worry, do we? I mean, those Salty Spitoon visitors don't come to us and challenge to fight."

"What is Salty Spitoon?" Ryan asked.

"Ryan, you don't watch Spongebob?"

Dig the Ground, Satan

"By the way, I bought you a book today," Ryan handed Roy the book.

"Thank you, but A Clash of Kings? Why, Ryan? I haven't even read A Game of Thrones," said Roy.

Ryan answered, "Actually, I bought you A Game of Thrones long time ago. I buried it in our backyard."

"You what?"

"I put the book in a wooden box and bury it in our backyard. We have shovel or hoe there, take it. Consider it a game of treasure hunting."

"What the hell, Ryan? What mistake did I make to have a brother like you?" Roy groaned in disbelief.

"Just dig the ground, satan. Also please appreciate my effort to make the present more interesting."

Note: this story is continuation of my post, "Sunday Morning, 11 a.m." Well yeah, Ryan is so extra.

This Ride is a Wild One

I like the song "Missing You" by All Time Low. It's about mental health. The lyrics address some issues relating to it.

The first words are, "I heard that you've been self-medicating in the quiet of your room, your sweet suburban tomb." This is the first time I find a song that talks about self medication. Attention everyone, this is important: psychotherapy is not a joke. The medicine for patients with psychiatry condition is not like paracetamol that you can just buy without prescription and you'll be okay. If you want psychiatric medication, see a psychiatrist.

I like the lines, 

"You've come this far,

you're all cleaned up,

you made a mess again,

there's no more trying,

time to sort yourself out..."

Those lines talk about recovery and relapse. For those who experience this, I believe you can go through this, even when it seems impossible.

I'm also impressed with the line, "Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one." That line describes the journey with mental health: it's not always easy, it's wild, but as always, we can pass it.

And come the lines with strange power,

"Grit your teeth, and pull your hair,

paint the walls black, and scream, 'Fuck the world,

'cause it's my life, I'm gonna take it back,'

and never for a second blame yourself."

I really like the part, ".... it's my life, I'm gonna take it back," because damn, it reminds me that no matter the circumstance, I have the power to take my life back and have control over it.

There are still some parts of the lyrics that I haven't mentioned in this post. Another post, maybe? 

I guess someday if I have to explain about mental health, I would also recommend this song because why not, this song is well written and it talks about important issue.

Sunday Morning, 11 a.m

The prompt today is "jangle". I didn't know the meaning so I looked up Oxford dictionary online. They also give sentence example, "Ryan stood on the terrace jangling his keys." So I think I would just continue that sentence.

Ryan stood on the terrace jangling his keys. He was just home after wandering around the bookstore to find a book for his little brother, Roy. Talking about Roy, Ryan saw his brother's motorcycle was still parked and the doors and windows were all still closed. "That satan hasn't woken up yet," Ryan thought to himself.

He came into the house and shout, "Roy, wake up! It's 11 already," then heard the answer, "It's Sunday!"

"By the way, I got a missed call from Don. What's up? Do you two have problem?" Ryan asked.

"Why would Don call you?" Roy responded while gaining his consciousness.

--------------------------------------------

The characters Roy and Don are taken from the ongoing series on Wattpad, Children of Altar. It's written by my friend. Check that out and give feedback. 

Also, I don't really know about sibling relationship and in real life I don't know any of my friends' siblings personally so I have no idea how to continue my story above. What would make someone call their friend's brother? What can make you trust your friend so you give them your brother's contact number?

By the way, did I just make a fanfic with original character? Hahaha...

Slytherpuff Friendship

I see that many people post about friendship between Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Here I want to share my experience because I'm a Hufflepuff and my friend Lady Slytherin is, obviously a Slytherin.

Hufflepuff gets this reputation of being kind and loyal, even adorable. Slytherin, on the other hand, has the stereotype of being ambitious and evil. However, Lady Slytherin and I don't fit that stereotype. She's a sweet yet sarcastic Slytherin while I'm a troubled yet hilarious Hufflepuff. We also have different MBTI; she's INTJ, I'm ISFP.

Our friendship consists of:

1. Hufflepuff shares weird thing that she finds on the internet
2. Slytherin has various reaction to that weird thing: "hahaha", "what the hell", "aaaarrrghh", etc
3. oh wait, Slytherin also shares weird thing
4. we both can relate to Sirius Black's scene, "I did my waiting" because that would be our reaction when we finally become doctor
5. we have only one mutual fandom: Harry Potter
6. we respect each other's fandom but constantly compare them: she likes Tolkien's works, while I like A Song of Ice and Fire by George. R. R. Martin (Hufflepuff isn't always about cute story, you know)
7. Hufflepuff is that emo kid who still plays songs by My Chemical Romance
8. Slytherin is not really into bandom
9. our conversation starts with normal everyday thing but ends up with something absurd
10. usually I'm the one who makes the convo absurd
11. Hufflepuff relationship advice consists of: fiction book and some weird things from the internet (if you don't get it, it's all right)
12. Slytherin is more mature when it comes to relationship advice: give and take should be balanced, you should love yourself first, etc
13. still, we both don't really have good luck in relationship (being single for too long time and spending too much time with fictional characters, duh)
14. but if someday Lady Slytherin finds someone, I'm ready to ship them, they would be my OTP
15. and if someday I find someone, she would be surprised first because I'm not always that interested in relationship, not even fictional relationship
16. anyway, we love bookstore; we can just go to the bookstore trying the quill (kidding) or pen then feel happy 
17. or just look at the book covers and make joke about them
18. or give each other book recommendation
19. or give each other encouragement to buy book like, "Buy this Game of Thrones novel! You want it, right?" 

The list can be longer but I think that's enough for now. Do you have any experience with inter-house relationship?

Train of Thought: from Irn-Bru to Orange Lipstick

Yesterday, I read a blog post by Joel Sorin entitled "Sail". That post mentioned Irn-Bru which, after I searched in the internet, is actually a Scottish soft drink. Then I remember something else: dandelion and burdock. How can people come up with good idea to name beverage? 

I first heard "dandelion and burdock" from the song "Suck It and See" by Arctic Monkeys. You can watch the official music video, or if you think that video is too sexy then you can watch Alex Turner perform the song in acoustic version, which is also sexy for some people. 

The song also has amazing lyrics. I like the lines, "That's not a skirt girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun. And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me." Usually I don't like lyrics with such "dangerous vibe" but those words are well-arranged and unexpected. I just can't hate it. 

Anyway, suck it and see means to try something you have not done before. When was the last time you tried something new? Was it a great deal that you had to pluck up courage? Or was it something simple that you did on impulse?

Asking that question, I then remember myself that I haven't done anything new recently. Well, I did try to wear matte orange lipstick last Saturday if that counts. 

I guess I'll try to do something new again this Saturday. But what?

Figurative Ship and Some Language Lesson

The prompt today is sail and considering that I don't have proper knowledge about ship and sailing, I will just write about figurative ship: household.

In Indonesian language there is term "bahtera rumah tangga". Bahtera means ship, rumah tangga means household. If you understand Indonesian language, you can read this article about the etymology of the phrase.

Usually people use the word "kapal" in Indonesian to talk about the watercraft. The word "bahtera" is rarely used in everyday conversation when you talk about water transportation. So why do we use the word "bahtera" when it comes to figurative ship called household?

The word "kapal" is derived from Tamil word "kappal". The word "bahtera" is derived from the word "bahitra" in old Javanese, which is a loanword from from Sanskirt word "vahitra". According to the article I link above, the word "bahtera" is used when talking about figurative ship because Sankirt is used as ritual language so it has more spiritual feeling.

So it is said that being a family and creating household is like being in the same ship. You have to work together so the ship can sail safely. I can't explain further about it because, like a fan whose ship isn't canon, my ship hasn't sailed yet.

Maybe I should enjoy the harbour while getting my ship ready. Then we'll sail (though I don't know yet whom this "we" refer to).

Run Away Like It was Yesterday

Some songs can put into certain mood or make you imagine things. This time I want to talk about the song Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance. 

That song cheers me up. However it does more than just cheering up. Everytime I listen to that song, I imagine my girl friend and I run while laughing after doing silly thing. We dash to avoid people shouting at us. 

Beside, that song is indeed about run away. As Gerard Way said before performing that song in Hurricane festival 2011, "There's nothing wrong with running and never looking back." I have mixed feeling about what Gerard Way said. The idea of running away sounds good but doesn't sound right to me. No matter how bad my situation is, I don't think it's so bad that I need to run away. I'm not that easy to leave something, either. I don't even leave an abandoned group chat, duh.

Then I think maybe that "Bulletproof Heart" song is not for me. That song is for people who feel trapped in bad place or bad condition. That song is for people who are stuck with bad people. It's for those who fight their own demons, or with their dark past. For those kind of people, running away is necessary. It even takes certain kind or courage for them to run away from their situation and save themselves.

Maybe someday that song will mean more than two girls running away after doing silly things. Who knows?

Denial of a Harry Potter Fan

Let's talk about denial. It's one example of primitive defense mechanisms. It means refusal to accept reality or fact. 

As a Harry Potter fan, I deny the fact that Cursed Child exists. Okay, the story has been released quite a while ago and I'm a bit late to write it in my blog. However, it's my blog so I can write whatever I want here. 

I myself haven't read the book or watched the play but the internet is dark and full of spoiler (mimicking Melisandre) so I read the spoiler and curse the plot because it doesn't make sense. To be honest, it feels like fanfiction to me. 

I don't want to spoil a lot here but let me mention things that bother me. First of all, Voldemort. Never have I ever thought that Voldemort was capable of doing that.

Second: Cedric. He was a kind person and what he does in Cursed Child is out of character. A kind Hufflepuff won't do that. 

Third is Harry Potter. Really, what he said to Albus is unacceptable. Oh well, parents make mistake but again, that's out of character, especially when this character is Harry Potter.

Enough of my ramble. I'm out. See you in my next post.

I'm Exhausted

Being a co-assistant in hospital is exhausting and when I'm exhausted, I lose motivation to do things. I can't even bring myself to review material. It's also difficult for me to stay awake during lecture (yes, we still have lecture in hospital). I envy my friend who can stay awake during lecture and understand the material. They even have enough energy to discuss it with the residents. Seriously, those friends have no idea how lucky they are.

I'm trying though.

Forgotten List

I often have a lot of idea in my head for my blog post but I don't write the post right away. I usually make a list of "blog post idea" so that if I have the chance to write something, I will write from that list.

The problem occurs when it has been a long time I haven't written in my blog then I start blogging again and when I look at the list, I think, "I had this idea? What am I supposed to write?" 

After that I usually write about something else that's not included in the list.

"The Most Asian" Novel: My Experience with the Kite Runner

Few weeks ago, I read the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini and it was amazing.

I will not spoil much but I will tell about my experience reading it. First, reading this novel in public place was a mistake. I brought the novel during my night's watch duty in hospital and I had to hold back my tears many times. So I was happy when I could finally read it at home because I could cry ugly tears as I wanted.

Second, this novel is probably "the most Asian" novel I've ever read. The "Asian things" come in many forms: Asian pride, parent-and-child relationship, our attitude toward people of different ethnicity or religion, the gender biased norm, marriage, the taboo stuff, etc. Then I realise something: regardless of ethnicity, location, and religion, Asians are Asians. Some proud creatures we are. Well, maybe not all Asians but I live in another part of Asia and I can relate and understand those things.

This is one of my favourite quotes in the book which is also one of "the most Asian" quotes, "Because history isn't easy to overcome. Neither is religion. In the end, I was a Pashtun and he was a Hazara, I was Sunni and he was Shi'a, and nothing was going to change that. Nothing. But we were kids who had learned to crawl together, and no history, ethnicity, society, or religion was going to change that either."

I guess those "Asian things", aside from the story line, are what make me love this novel so much. Because I could relate to it. Because it makes me cry and say, "Yes, right."

Ugly Moment in Hospital: Death

I like fiction and fanfiction. I have a thing for fiction that takes place in hospital. I don't know why. Perhaps because I'm a medical student so I like hospital setting. However, it changed recently. I'm a co-assistant and I've just spent 3 weeks in department of pulmonology. Those 3 weeks changed my perspective about hospital.

In fiction, there is this moment when a character dies and because this is fiction, we read some beautiful description that messes our emotion. In reality, death is ... death, and it's not beautiful. There is no narrator saying words describing the situation. It's an ugly process which, in department of pulmonology, starts with worsened shortness of breath. Then the breathing stops, the heartbeat stops. Dead.

Another thing: last word. Often in fiction, the character says a word or two before death. I have never seen that. The person is too busy to try to breath. No last word before death.

No attractive face, either, I tell you. In fiction, you can imagine your favourite character as you want but many real people look miserable when they're dying. 

So here is some "moral of the story" that I can give (which usually I don't): while you're still alive, attractive and breathing easily, speak. Do not wait until the last moment of your life to say things you're supposed to say. However, also remember, choose your word carefully. Ah, it's difficult, isn't it? On one side, we don't want to regret that we don't say the thing, on the other side we will regret if we say it the wrong way. Oh wait, that's a topic for another post.

And here I am, comparing death in fiction and reality while looking for good fanfiction to read before going to bed. Duh.

Lawful Wife and Mistress: Talking about Medical Study

Recently, I just found out that Anton Chekhov, the Russian author, was also a doctor. One of his famous quote regarding this was, "Medicine is my lawful wife, literature my mistress: when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other."

My friends and I laughed at that because never have we ever found medicine-related quote like that before. Now is the thing: every medical student that I have been close to has this kind of "mistress", this thing that we spend our time with when we're tired of our "lawful wife" in the form of medical study. One friend's "mistress" is drawing, another one's is cosplay, someone else has literature as mistress.

However, there is a problem when you're constantly tired of your "lawful wife". That's what happens to me. Medical study is often demanding so I spend a lot of time with my "mistress(es)": literature, fandom, and other things.

I think it's time for me to remind myself that no matter how excited I get when I see my "mistress(es)", it is my "lawful wife" that I made my vow to spend my life with.

Mess

She's home again. Sitting in her room, infinite sadness in her eyes. "That home is a mess. Why don't you just leave?" people would tell her. "This is the mess I'm comfortable with," she wants to say.

Quick Visit, I Promise

Crossing the road to visit you, I said hello. It's a quick visit, I promise. No hug, no kiss. Just want to hold hands and see each other. Later we can continue with our own lives. Open the door, please.