Talking about Relationship (This Time It's My Story)

So, I want to talk about my current relationship but I don't know where to start. Duh.

Let me try...  My boyfriend and I went to the same primary school, same junior high school, and same senior high school. All those 12 years, we didn't know each other personally. Well, we knew each other's face and name and that's it.

We went to different universities in 2012. Then in 2014 we started chatting online and we always had good conversation. 

As time went by, I thought to myself, "Does he flirt with me?" and yes, he flirted and sometimes he had funny pickup lines that I couldn't help laughing. He still does that. Damn, I smile while writing this. 

However, I hadn't been interested in relationship for years so I just talked to him casually as a friend. I responded to his pickup line with another joke that often made him felt like, "Aaaaaarrrrggghh!!!" 

I told Lady Slytherin about this. I said, "Well, I guess I could like him if he can continue it long enough." She asked, "What if he's tired and he goes finding someone else?" I said, "That's okay. I'm not ready for a relationship anyway."

Recently, I found a blog post that described my feeling about him in the beginning here. That post is about potential love. It says, "Have you ever felt a potential love for someone? Like, you don't actually love them and you know you don't, but you know you could. You realise that you could easily fall in love with them...."

Back to my story, we once met for a few minutes to lend him my book. I forget when that happened. Months later, in June 2017, we agreed to meet in a book store because where else should I go for a first date (book lover mode: on)? We met another high school friend in that book store and this friend looked at us suspiciously. We greeted him and he looked like he wanted to ask question but he didn't ask. He was too shocked, probably.

We went out together five times until finally he asked me to be his girlfriend last November. I had the proclivity to avoiding commitment but I thought again, I always enjoyed my time with him and it didn't hurt to give this relationship a try. He is willing to communicate his thought and opinion. He also lets me do the same. In other words, we're good for each other so I said yes. 

We're finally in a relationship after 3 years. Our friends say that's a long time. Well, it really takes a long time for me to trust someone. It takes me longer to let myself commit to a relationship so that long time is worth spending.

How do I feel about him? He's different. Back in the past, when I had a crush or fell in love, I felt a little uncomfortable. I have come a long way in the term of loving myself. In the past, I often thought too hard on how to impress the guy I liked. With my boyfriend now, I feel all right. We have our fight, of course, but we talk through it. This is why I was once confused about how I felt because love used to make me uncomfortable.

Now if you ask me whether I love him, I will say yes, I do love him.

Figurative Ship and Some Language Lesson

The prompt today is sail and considering that I don't have proper knowledge about ship and sailing, I will just write about figurative ship: household.

In Indonesian language there is term "bahtera rumah tangga". Bahtera means ship, rumah tangga means household. If you understand Indonesian language, you can read this article about the etymology of the phrase.

Usually people use the word "kapal" in Indonesian to talk about the watercraft. The word "bahtera" is rarely used in everyday conversation when you talk about water transportation. So why do we use the word "bahtera" when it comes to figurative ship called household?

The word "kapal" is derived from Tamil word "kappal". The word "bahtera" is derived from the word "bahitra" in old Javanese, which is a loanword from from Sanskirt word "vahitra". According to the article I link above, the word "bahtera" is used when talking about figurative ship because Sankirt is used as ritual language so it has more spiritual feeling.

So it is said that being a family and creating household is like being in the same ship. You have to work together so the ship can sail safely. I can't explain further about it because, like a fan whose ship isn't canon, my ship hasn't sailed yet.

Maybe I should enjoy the harbour while getting my ship ready. Then we'll sail (though I don't know yet whom this "we" refer to).

(Internet) Friend of Different Belief

A while ago, I saw a picture in instagram. It's a picture of Marissa Sitompul and Ria Ricis. In that picture, they pray before meal. They position their hands differently because they have different religions. On that picture, there is a text, "Sahabat, perbedaan yang membuat kita satu." It means, "Friend, difference is what makes us one." It's a nice picture with good message. They praise the same God whom they call differently (some people may say they praise different gods) while still being friends.

I'm a muslim and my close girl friends in real life are all muslims. However, I have one good internet girl friend of different religion. Wait, no. She doesn't even have religion. She's an atheist.

I've known her for about 7 years. Our friendship is built on weird and sometimes deep conversation. After seeing that instagram picture, I decided to send her a screenshot. I felt strange doing that because we don't usually send "cute thing". 

Under the screenshot, I wrote to her, "That's us? But you don't pray, I don't wear hijab, and I don't lift my hands for prayer before meal. And we're internet friends."

At first she didn't understand. After I explained about the message behind the picture, she said, "I am drinking cognac with pelmeni. And I didn't lift my hands before the meal."

I responded, "I don't either. I drink tea with banana cake."

Slow Romantic Activity

Today's prompt is "slowly". I instantly think about romantic stuffs like slow dance and slow kiss. 

I'm not a fan of romance but still, I think those slow romantic activities sounds sweet, lovely, beautiful, etc. Although in some situation they make me cringe (sorry).

However, I don't think I will be able to do any romantic thing slowly because I'm awkward and sometimes overly excited. It means that if I have romantic feeling on someone, I would either do nothing (to avoid awkwardness) or do something silly (because I can't contain my excitement). That something silly includes me talking fast and trying hard not to grin too wide. 

My behaviour makes me wonder about some things. How can people dance slowly with their loved ones? You're couple and you don't hug and jump through the music? Even if the song is slow, you may want to jump a little? How can the bride in Western wedding walk down the aisle? It's your wedding day, you're getting married, you don't want to run or jump? How can you kiss slo... Oh wait, I don't even want to know about that now. 

Please be kind to answer my questions. This is for research (not really, I'm just curious).

Rambling about Marriage: What?

I took hours to write a draft about it but it didn't turn up good so I just want to ramble here.

I've set my timer for 10 minutes. Here we go.

A close friend of mine has already had a serious conversation with her parents about marriage. She hasn't got a husband-to-be so her parents told her to get one. 

One day, my mom said, "You've finished your thesis. Soon you will be a co-assistant, then a doctor. After that, get married and give me grandchild(ren)." I answered, "Please don't rush me into getting married soon." She said, "All right, I won't rush you. Just don't take too long time." What?

To be honest, I haven't considered marriage seriously. I'm in early twenties and I want to get married when I'm 27 or 28. Why should I worry now? I have many things to worry about without even adding marriage to the list.

My age of choice is also a problem. Many people here think that 25 is ideal age for a woman to marry. That may be true for those people but for me, I won't be ready to get married at the age of 25. I'm the one who will get married so I'm supposed to understand when I'm ready, aren't I? However, some people think 27 or 28 is a little late. What?

I've rambled for 10 minutes now.

All right, 10 more minutes then.

My mom once told me, "When you have found the good man, just tell me." I said, "Okay."

Talking about man... Where should I start? Whatever, I'll talk about my feeling instead. I have had crush multiple times. However, when I'm attracted to someone, I always have mixed feeling. Some parts of my mind want friendship, some other parts want relationship, the rest of the parts just don't care. The parts that want friendship make 80% of the mixture. Even when I feel strong romantic feeling about someone, the 80% can always come and make me want friendship instead.

Maybe someday the mixture composition of that feeling changes when I found the right man. What?

Oh, by friendship, I mean that friendship where you are able to communicate easily, maybe even comfortable silence.

So, my time for rambling is up.

I hope I can find the right good man without, as my mother say, taking too long time.

Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy (and Some Courtesy)

When I was in middle school, Sweet Raindrop (not her real name) showed me the lyrics of "Build God then We'll Talk" by Panic! At The Disco. Here is a link to the song. I give the link to their "Live in Denver" performance instead of their official music video because: 1. the official music video contains "Porno Mime" and not everyone is comfortable to watch it, 2. Ryan Ross sang some lines in that live version and his voice was damn fine. 

The first time I read the lyrics, I said, "Whoa, it's more like a story than a song." The song tells a story of substandard motels on the corner of 4th and Fremont Street with wonderful caricature of intimacy inside. I had the habit of singing the line, "Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy" when I had to meet fake friends or attend an event that made me uncomfortable. I knew those fake friends and event participants weren't so "wonderful" as the people in the song but still, I felt the need to sing that line.

As I grew up, that habit disappeared. Perhaps because I didn't have to attend "event that made me uncomfortable" so often as before. However, now that I'm in my fangirl phase over Panic! At The Disco, that habit occurs again. The only difference is that I don't sing it aloud. 

It happened a while ago when my mother told me to be courteous so I can keep myself away from trouble. That was difficult. Not that I'm a rude person. I just act aloof when someone makes me uneasy. However, my mom told me to be courteous. What?! Why? How? Then that one line from the song was played in the back of my mind.

In "A Clash of King," it is said that Septa Mordane used to tell Sansa that a lady's armor is courtesy. Sansa took that advice and she stayed alive in King's Landing. I didn't expect my mother would give me the same advice as Septa Mordane. 

I'm not a tenant in substandard motel on the corner of 4th and Fremont Street. My situation is much safer than Sansa Stark's in "A Clash of King". I don't mind some courtesy, either. I'm just not ready to be a lady with proper armor.

First Impression: Someone Says I'm Cheerful

On Sunday, I went to a weekly English discussion forum in a library. The topic was "Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover." Yes, we talk about judgement, or in this case, first impression. 

Talking about first impression is a little complicated. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it deceives you. I usually keep my first impression for myself and try to learn more about the person before making my "final judgement."

When it comes to the "cover," I think I never care much about what someone wears. How someone talks and what they talk about influence my judgement more than their appearance does.

Anyway, at the end of the meeting, the conductor made us play a little game. She gave each of us a piece of paper with a name of fellow discussion participant written on it. We had to write our first impression of that person. After that, we collected the paper in a can (so the writer remained anonymous) and were given back the paper with our own names on it. 

I got the paper and read, "She is, I think, cheerful because she always smile. Further character, I don't know :) " I was surprised reading that because I don't see myself as a cheerful person and I don't always smile. I even have the indifferent emoticon face. I guess it was because I loved being in that library so I looked happy, even cheerful there. 

Note to self: place influences impression.

Two, One, or Four

A lively group discussion, an intimate tête-à-tête, an inner monologue - in your view, when it comes to a good conversation, what's the ideal number of people?

I would say, two, one, or four.

I have some close friends but best conversations with them happen when there are only two people. We can share our unique -and sometimes crazy- thought. Beside, I have the chance to know my friend better. I also have specific topics that I can only speak to certain people.

One person conversation is something I often do myself. Usually when no one is around, I make a dialogue in my mind and sometimes I speak it. I even talk to myself in youtuber style, sometimes Dan, sometimes Carrie, but never Phil. I don't know why but in my opinion, it's difficult to speak in Phil Lester's style. 

When I say four, it means that four is the maximum number of people needed for good conversation. So, three or four is okay for me, especially if the four people involved are Lady Slytherin, Elsa, Miss Perfume, and me. Our conversation often goes like this

Elsa: "You must know something."
Miss Perfume and me: "What?"
Lady Slytherin: (acting cool)
Elsa: "Yesterday (a friend's name) told me that (someone's name) did this and that. Can you imagine that? That's crazy etc etc."
Then the discussion begins.

There were also times when we think that Elsa's news is plain and the conversation goes like this
Elsa: "Hey, I have a story."
Miss Perfume and me: "What?"
Lady Slytherin: (acting cool)
Elsa: "Yesterday (a friend's name) told me that (someone's name) did this and that. ..."
Lady Slytherin: "Just that? You're annoying. I have better story."

Sometime Miss Perfume and I start the conversation but I will keep that for other posts.

As for more than four people conversation, I can handle that just fine but that's not an ideal conversation for me. 

36 Questions to Fall in Love

A while ago I watched a BuzzFeed video entitled "Falling In Love As A Grown-Up - Real Mature Ep. 1". In that video we see Zach tried the 36 questions to fall in love, with three different people. I sent the link to Lady Slytherin.

You can search the 36 questions in the internet. The idea is, there should be two people talk about the questions and their answer. After the conversation, they can fall in love. In my opinion, the questions aren't supposed to make you fall in love. It's supposed to make you open up more and know each other better.

Yesterday, I visit Lady Slytherin's boarding house and we tried the 36 questions. We had a good laugh while answering the questions. We did have deep conversation while answering some of the questions. However, there are some questions that made us tease each other. 

I had fun answering the 36 questions because I did it with my close friend. We usually comfortable with each other. I can't imagine if I were in Zach's position in the video. He had to answer the question with the girls who isn't his close friends. If I had to answer the questions with, let's say, my crush or any of the guy I know, I would be awkward. I would carefully choose my words since I'm sometimes afraid if people think I'm rude.

I then think that the 36 questions are also meant to find out whether someone makes you feel comfortable. Thus, you know if he or she is the right person to fall in love with.

Useless Advice

A guy friend of mine is in love. My other two friends who know the girl he's in love with tried to give hime advice. The conversation went like this

"She'll only use you."

"But I love her."

"She's full of drama.'
"What do you mean?"

"She's annoying. She will hurt you."

"I can take the pain."

"I just want to say, take care of your health."

Hearing that conversation, I remember Sujiwo Tejo said that the most useless thing to do in this world is giving advice to someone who's falling in love.

Marriage?

"Today, take a cue from something you've overheard and write a post inspired by real-life conversation."

I sometimes overhear people talking. However, today I stay at home and study for exam so I don't overhear any unusual conversation. I can't even recall conversation I overheard so I write a story of my conversation with a friend.

One day in February, I met my old friend. We first met in high school and we became close. 
We had conversation over fried rice (because conversation over coffee was not enough, duh). Never meeting each other for a long time, we had many things to talk: university life, news from old friends, our own lives, and marriage.
I'm not good at relationship advice. However, talking about marriage with a close friend doesn't require me to be an expert. We can always share our opinion, thought, and worry. 
My friend said, "I want to marry when I'm 25 but now that I'm 21, I haven't figured out how I will find my husband." I said, "I haven't figured out, either. Sometimes people find their match in unexpected places, though."
Since we both were single (we still are), we came to our usual conclusion, "Let's just think about it later. We need to take care of our study first."
Anyway, I found a good video from BuzzFeedYellow, "Marriage Advice from Divorcees". It's a good video and if you're an inexperienced single who want to marry, I suggest you to watch it.

Talking about Relationship

I join Blogging 101 and yesterday's task was to comment on at least four blogs I had never visited before and today's task is to write a post that builds on one of the comments I left yesterday. I actually commented on a lot of blogs but I forget some of them. Let's just talk.
I found this post by TJ. In that post he wrote a story about a girl who is .... I think it will be better if you read the post yourself so you can decide a proper adjective for that girl. You can also read my comment (yes, that lincahceria5).
I've said before that I'm not good at relationship advice so if a friend tells me about her (or his) relationship problem, I will just listen and respond a little. However, since it's just relationship, not marriage, my ultimate advice would be, "Tell them, then leave, end your relationship." I suggest my friend to tell because communication is important and it's better to let the other know what happens. I suggest them to leave because... Well, let's make it clear.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend makes you uncomfortable or ask you to do something against your principle, you should end the relationship before it's too late.
By the way, when I talk about my friend's relationship, it may be different to what you think. Watch this video by Jana first.
Many of us in Indonesia don't believe in sex before marriage, regardless of the religion. My friends' relationship mostly involve going out together, having meal together, or calling each other with "cheesy nickname". They don't have sex. They don't live together. They don't even kiss.

Whoa, I still don't believe that I finally write a relationship advice.