We are glass
and glass is
dangerous
when
it's shattered
Those who
break us
should've
known this
first
P.S. Some things cause me mental breakdown recently then I got this idea while waiting for my working time.
Selasa, 18 Oktober 2016
Rabu, 07 September 2016
Olive Oil on My Face
I mentioned Sarah Urie in my previous post. I you check out her instagram, you will notice that she sometimes promotes skincare product.
One of the product she promotes is Omega 3.6.9. from LiftedSkin. I visited LiftedSkin website and found out that Omega 3.6.9 costs $39.00. That's expensive for me. However, I really fell into "Sarah Urie's trap" (in a good way) so I still wanted to have facial serum or facial oil. I then bought Wardah pure olive oil.
Wardah pure olive oil is not 100% pure, though. I read the ingredients and it has fragrance so I can't use it for cooking (okay, sorry). When I bought it, it cost Rp 25.000,00 (about $ 2 if I'm not mistaken) so it's quite affordable.
The problem was, I had no idea how to use olive oil on face. Many sources say to use it for facial massage. Questions: How should I massage my face? Should I use only oil or with something else? How often should I massage my face? Some say to do facial massage before bedtime. Should I wash my face after massage or just let it be there and sleep then wash face after waking up? I know that last question sounds silly but still, please answer any of those question.
I "experiment" by mixing face moisturizer and olive oil then I use it to massage by following Annie Jaffrey's youtube tutorial. I usually do it in the afternoon before nap. How long I wait to wash my face depends on my laziness. Sometimes I fall asleep for about 2 hours then wash my face after waking up. Is my "experiment" right?
Does it give me glow or twinkle on my skin? (Imagine twinkle on the skin) I don't pay enough attention to that. However, it does make my skin smooth.
On Sarah Urie and Kindness
In one of my recent posts, I talked about kindness as one of Hufflepuff's trait.
I'm a Hufflepuff but I never consider myself a kind or nice person. Some experiences make me think to myself, "Maybe some people don't deserve my kindness." So, I confess, I may act nice but I often have "unkind" thought of what I could do when someone do or say unkind things to me.
One day, I found Sarah Urie's instagram account. At first I felt something strange. I didn't know. She did nothing wrong but I felt strange. Later I knew it was because of her bio. Her bio is changed now but when I first saw her instagram, it said, "🐝 kind" Can you view the bee emoji from computer?
What's wrong with that bio? Let me tell you, I spent times trying to conceal myself and selecting few people who deserve my kindness then this woman named Sarah said, "Be(e) kind" to my face (well, I face my cell phone so technically she said in to my face online). What?! Who does she think she is, telling people to be kind? She just doesn't understand the "bitter consequence" of being kind. Maybe she doesn't understand. Or maybe she understand that some people are horrible but she thinks it's still important to be kind anyway.
So I think I need to thank Sarah Urie for giving me perspective that it's all right to be kind. Also, I thank her for giving me idea to write some blog posts (seriously, this is important).
I'm a Hufflepuff but I never consider myself a kind or nice person. Some experiences make me think to myself, "Maybe some people don't deserve my kindness." So, I confess, I may act nice but I often have "unkind" thought of what I could do when someone do or say unkind things to me.
One day, I found Sarah Urie's instagram account. At first I felt something strange. I didn't know. She did nothing wrong but I felt strange. Later I knew it was because of her bio. Her bio is changed now but when I first saw her instagram, it said, "🐝 kind" Can you view the bee emoji from computer?
What's wrong with that bio? Let me tell you, I spent times trying to conceal myself and selecting few people who deserve my kindness then this woman named Sarah said, "Be(e) kind" to my face (well, I face my cell phone so technically she said in to my face online). What?! Who does she think she is, telling people to be kind? She just doesn't understand the "bitter consequence" of being kind. Maybe she doesn't understand. Or maybe she understand that some people are horrible but she thinks it's still important to be kind anyway.
So I think I need to thank Sarah Urie for giving me perspective that it's all right to be kind. Also, I thank her for giving me idea to write some blog posts (seriously, this is important).
Kamis, 01 September 2016
On Hufflepuff and Justice
In my previous post, I talked about how people often forgot about Hufflepuff's justice. People tend to think that Hufflepuff is a house of sweet innocent dumb people. Sorry, that "dumb" part is rude.
We Hufflepuffs are kind, loyal, and hardworking. However, we are also just. Now I confess that even I forget that "just" part sometimes.
Hufflepuffs value justice. This is why many Puffs helped fight Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts. They couldn't stand the injustice that would have happened if Death Eaters had ruled the wizarding world.
However, why don't we, even the Hufflepuffs themselves, talk more about this "badass" trait? I'm not sure why but I remember something said by Miwako Sato from Detective Conan series, "But kid, remember one thing. The word 'justice' isn't a word you can involve in any occasion. It's something we must hold secretly in our hearts."
Justice is not something to boast about.
We Hufflepuffs are kind, loyal, and hardworking. However, we are also just. Now I confess that even I forget that "just" part sometimes.
Hufflepuffs value justice. This is why many Puffs helped fight Death Eaters during the Battle of Hogwarts. They couldn't stand the injustice that would have happened if Death Eaters had ruled the wizarding world.
However, why don't we, even the Hufflepuffs themselves, talk more about this "badass" trait? I'm not sure why but I remember something said by Miwako Sato from Detective Conan series, "But kid, remember one thing. The word 'justice' isn't a word you can involve in any occasion. It's something we must hold secretly in our hearts."
Justice is not something to boast about.
On Hufflepuff and Kindness
In Harry Potter books we know that Hufflepuff values kindness, loyalty, hardwork, and justice. Sounds too nice, huh? I mean, compare those traits to Slytherin's ambition, Ravenclaw's intelligence, or Gryffindor's courage.
I'm a Hufflepuff and believe me, I once thought, "What 'badass' quality does my house have?" The answer to that question is, "Maybe none." If you insist, I can say that Hufflepuff's justice is badass but people often forget this one trait when they talk about Hufflepuff.
When talking about Hufflepuff, we often talk about kindness, loyalty, and hardwork. The harsh truth is some people view kindness as weakness. I need to learn more neuropsychiatry to find out why. Perhaps because kindness is associated with a child's innocence. That possible reason is, in my opinion, what makes Hufflepuff precious. This house understands that Hogwarts teaches children.
I found this tumblr post a while ago and I shivered with a little pride. It said, "Children. They were teaching children. Rowena, Godric, Salazar; they tended to forget that. .... 'I will take them all,' she said. .... 'I will teach them how to be the backbone, the heart of this world. I will teach them how to stand steadfast, when all hope is lost.' .... No, she knew theirs would not be an easy path, or a glorious one. They would have no songs. No great tales in books. No laurels. No consolation, no thanks. But they would be the reason why, when darkness finally came, all of them in all their different colours would stand shoulder to shoulder and draw their wands as brothers in arms. ...." I also recommend you to read the tag, seriously. Some of the tags say #and this my friend is why no one is quite sure what a hufflepuff really is #the answer is: everyone.
And that, my friends, is why I like being in Hufflepuff, being a Hufflepuff.
Kamis, 18 Agustus 2016
The Moon and Two Songs
The prompt is moon and I instantly think about a part in Northern Downpour lyrics, "Hey moon, please forget to fall down," and that part in When the Day Met the Night, "When the moon fell in love with the sun, all was golden in the sky. All was golden when the day met the night."
Also, the moon looks beautiful tonight seen from my place.
Also, the moon looks beautiful tonight seen from my place.
Jumat, 05 Agustus 2016
(Internet) Friend of Different Belief
A while ago, I saw a picture in instagram. It's a picture of Marissa Sitompul and Ria Ricis. In that picture, they pray before meal. They position their hands differently because they have different religions. On that picture, there is a text, "Sahabat, perbedaan yang membuat kita satu." It means, "Friend, difference is what makes us one." It's a nice picture with good message. They praise the same God whom they call differently (some people may say they praise different gods) while still being friends.
I'm a muslim and my close girl friends in real life are all muslims. However, I have one good internet girl friend of different religion. Wait, no. She doesn't even have religion. She's an atheist.
I've known her for about 7 years. Our friendship is built on weird and sometimes deep conversation. After seeing that instagram picture, I decided to send her a screenshot. I felt strange doing that because we don't usually send "cute thing".
Under the screenshot, I wrote to her, "That's us? But you don't pray, I don't wear hijab, and I don't lift my hands for prayer before meal. And we're internet friends."
At first she didn't understand. After I explained about the message behind the picture, she said, "I am drinking cognac with pelmeni. And I didn't lift my hands before the meal."
I responded, "I don't either. I drink tea with banana cake."
I'm a muslim and my close girl friends in real life are all muslims. However, I have one good internet girl friend of different religion. Wait, no. She doesn't even have religion. She's an atheist.
I've known her for about 7 years. Our friendship is built on weird and sometimes deep conversation. After seeing that instagram picture, I decided to send her a screenshot. I felt strange doing that because we don't usually send "cute thing".
Under the screenshot, I wrote to her, "That's us? But you don't pray, I don't wear hijab, and I don't lift my hands for prayer before meal. And we're internet friends."
At first she didn't understand. After I explained about the message behind the picture, she said, "I am drinking cognac with pelmeni. And I didn't lift my hands before the meal."
I responded, "I don't either. I drink tea with banana cake."
Rabu, 03 Agustus 2016
When I was Nine, I Read Greek Myth
There are nine Muses in Greek mythology. They were written as "Musae" in Indonesian spelling. I first read about them when I was 9. I remember at that time I liked Urania, the muse of astronomy simply because she held a globe. Nine-year-old me had a thing for astronomy and such.
Before opening the wikipedia page for Greek Muses, there were only two Muses that I remembered: Urania and Kalliope. Kalliope was the chief of Muses, the main inspiration for poets and artists.
It turns out that I still have the Greek mythology book that I had read long time ago. The book contains some stories. The main focus is "Orpheus and Eurydice" story. That story affected me in weird way when I was a kid. I once believed that Hades had kingdom underground so when I knocked my girl scout bamboo cane to the ground, I thought I knocked Hades' kingdom.
I considered Orpheus and Eurydice as one of the best love stories. I may still do. One day, when I was teenager, two radio DJs talked about love story and asked if the listeners had and favourite story. I called and told them the story of Orpheus and Eurydice.
Now I'm a young adult who doesn't like romance. Should I die first, I hope my "Orpheus" continues his life in healthy way.
I also still wait for Kalliope to come and inspire me to write beautiful poem.
Before opening the wikipedia page for Greek Muses, there were only two Muses that I remembered: Urania and Kalliope. Kalliope was the chief of Muses, the main inspiration for poets and artists.
It turns out that I still have the Greek mythology book that I had read long time ago. The book contains some stories. The main focus is "Orpheus and Eurydice" story. That story affected me in weird way when I was a kid. I once believed that Hades had kingdom underground so when I knocked my girl scout bamboo cane to the ground, I thought I knocked Hades' kingdom.
I considered Orpheus and Eurydice as one of the best love stories. I may still do. One day, when I was teenager, two radio DJs talked about love story and asked if the listeners had and favourite story. I called and told them the story of Orpheus and Eurydice.
Now I'm a young adult who doesn't like romance. Should I die first, I hope my "Orpheus" continues his life in healthy way.
I also still wait for Kalliope to come and inspire me to write beautiful poem.
Sabtu, 30 Juli 2016
Whom Will You Listen to Music with?
A while ago, a friend of mine shared in facebook about his Spotify Game of Thrones character. It is to find out which Game of Thrones character you will listen to music with. If you're curious, you can try it here.
I tried that and my Game of Thrones match is Joffrey Baratheon. It was because my Spotify playlist was 65% emo. I laughed when I saw the result. After getting the result, I could see "The Honoured Playlist of King Joffrey Baratheon" and I found "Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance. Great.
I actually hoped I shared music taste with the characters I admire, like Tyrion Lannister, Olenna Tyrell, or Podrick Payne. However, considering that Joffrey listened to My Chemical Romance, I don't mind listening to music with him as long as he doesn't harm me or my family. Oh well, he won't because 1) he's fictional, 2) he has joined the black parade (but not as the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned).
Now let's play the G note.
I tried that and my Game of Thrones match is Joffrey Baratheon. It was because my Spotify playlist was 65% emo. I laughed when I saw the result. After getting the result, I could see "The Honoured Playlist of King Joffrey Baratheon" and I found "Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance. Great.
I actually hoped I shared music taste with the characters I admire, like Tyrion Lannister, Olenna Tyrell, or Podrick Payne. However, considering that Joffrey listened to My Chemical Romance, I don't mind listening to music with him as long as he doesn't harm me or my family. Oh well, he won't because 1) he's fictional, 2) he has joined the black parade (but not as the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned).
Now let's play the G note.
Jumat, 29 Juli 2016
My First Ship
In fandom, there is the term "ship". This is where you want characters to have relationship. It doesn't only happen in fiction fandom but also in music fandom. It happens in most fandoms, I guess (I say most because maybe there is a fandom that doesn't have ship).
I don't like shipping. I once wrote in my post "Confession of a Fanfic Reader" that I prefer friendship.
However, one day, out of nowhere, I got a shipping idea. I didn't even simply ship two fictional characters or such. I shipped an internet friend of mine with someone in one of my fandoms. For a few weeks, I searched in the internet for the right wedding dress and veil for the bride. I browsed wedding flowers and what kind of party they would have. I even came to the point where I imagined their wedding vow.
That imagination doesn't come to my mind anymore. Maybe the wind blows the ship to somewhere faraway. A good place, I hope.
Still, I prefer friendship to romance.
I don't like shipping. I once wrote in my post "Confession of a Fanfic Reader" that I prefer friendship.
However, one day, out of nowhere, I got a shipping idea. I didn't even simply ship two fictional characters or such. I shipped an internet friend of mine with someone in one of my fandoms. For a few weeks, I searched in the internet for the right wedding dress and veil for the bride. I browsed wedding flowers and what kind of party they would have. I even came to the point where I imagined their wedding vow.
That imagination doesn't come to my mind anymore. Maybe the wind blows the ship to somewhere faraway. A good place, I hope.
Still, I prefer friendship to romance.
Rabu, 27 Juli 2016
Don't Need to Fear a Hand for Help
A while ago, I discovered a song "Where I Belong" by Ryan Ross. You can listen to it in soundcloud. I also find fan-made lyrics video in YouTube (turn on the subtitle).
If you read the YouTube comments, you will see that many of them talk about the line, "I know I should've never left." They think that perhaps he regrets leaving Panic! At The Disco and they get "feels" from that line. I admit, at first I also got "feels" from it.
However, as I listen to the song over, I got hit by the lines "Don't need to fear a hand for help." Damn it, Ryan Ross.
That one line reminds me of myself. Many times I find myself in big problem and I don't ask for help. I usually think, "It's not a big deal. I'm fine. I can solve it." When I finally can't solve it, and the problem reaches crisis, that's when I ask for help. Often I get asked, "Why didn't you just tell me earlier?" Difficult question. I can't answer that. I really don't have valid reason about why I don't ask for help earlier. Maybe it's because I'm emotionally reserved, or I'm secretly afraid of something wrong that might happen if I ask for help. Maybe I just can't trust people easily.
Well, I guess I need to gather courage to ask for help with some unsolved problems because, as Ryan Ross said, "This war ain't gonna fix itself."
If you read the YouTube comments, you will see that many of them talk about the line, "I know I should've never left." They think that perhaps he regrets leaving Panic! At The Disco and they get "feels" from that line. I admit, at first I also got "feels" from it.
However, as I listen to the song over, I got hit by the lines "Don't need to fear a hand for help." Damn it, Ryan Ross.
That one line reminds me of myself. Many times I find myself in big problem and I don't ask for help. I usually think, "It's not a big deal. I'm fine. I can solve it." When I finally can't solve it, and the problem reaches crisis, that's when I ask for help. Often I get asked, "Why didn't you just tell me earlier?" Difficult question. I can't answer that. I really don't have valid reason about why I don't ask for help earlier. Maybe it's because I'm emotionally reserved, or I'm secretly afraid of something wrong that might happen if I ask for help. Maybe I just can't trust people easily.
Well, I guess I need to gather courage to ask for help with some unsolved problems because, as Ryan Ross said, "This war ain't gonna fix itself."
Senin, 25 Juli 2016
Sanctuary in Warm Hug
Today's prompt is sanctuary. Reading that word, my mind wasn't directed to certain place but to warm hug. From that, I started to think that I read fanfic too often.
I don't remember if I ever give warm hug. I usually just give casual hug or side hug. However, I like hug scene in fiction, be it friendly hug, brotherly hug, or romantic hug. It just seems warm and comfortable. Often, the character feels safe and protected while being hugged. That's why I associate the word sanctuary with warm hug; because of fiction, or fanfic.
It is said that hug can increase oxytocin release. According to Marieb and Hoehn (2013), as neurotransmitter, oxytocin is involved in sexual and affectionate behaviour. It promotes nurturing, couple bonding, and trust.
What about reading hug scene? Do I experience oxytocin release while reading hug scene? If Does it mean that I'm affected in the matter of nurturing, couple bonding, and trust? It that's true, it may explain our emotional bonding to fictional character.
On a side note, since oxytocin promotes trust, do not hug someone you don't want to trust. Do not even imagine hugging a fictional character you don't want to trust. Really, we can't be sure about oxytocin and its magic.
P.S.
Oxytocin acts as both hormone and neurotransmitter. As hormone, oxytocin is involved in uterine contraction (during labor) and milk ejection.
If you can explain more about oxytocin or if you think I make mistake in this post (or in any post), please let me know.
Sabtu, 23 Juli 2016
Talking about Fandom: the Feels
In fandom there is the term "feeling" which is shortened to "feels". It is that moment when you feel overwhelmed by something. You may call it sadness but it's different kind of sadness. It's just difficult to describe so we simply call it "feels".
If you want to see some examples, I once wrote a post entitled "Jleb" Harry Potter Moments. Yeah, it's quite similar to "jleb" in Indonesian.
However, no matter how overwhelming it is, we often intentionally hit ourselves with "feels". Here are two examples. Harry Potter fans know that Fred Weasley's death was sad but they still search in the internet for meme or fanfic or anything related to it, only to get struck with "feels" afterward. My Chemical Romance fans can get "feels" only by listening to any of their song but still, they listen to the songs, watch the videos on YouTube, watch past interviews, or read old articles.
Why do we do that? Is it like when we fall in love? I mean, when we fall in love, we experience increase of dopamine and oxytocin. According to Marieb and Hoehn (2013), dopamine is "feel good" neurotransmitter; the ecstasy of romantic love may be just a brain bath of glutamate and norepinephrine, which act on the reward system to release dopamine. Oxytocin, on the other hand, promotes nurturing, couple bonding, and trust.
Questions:
1. Is our feeling in fandom similar to those of people who fall in love? Or is it just obsession?
2. If it's because of dopamine, why do we feel this strange emotion? Dopamine is supposed to make us feel good, right? Why do I feel miserable instead?
3. How long does it normally last?
Well, I guess for those who are not in fandom, it may sound like we punish ourselves. However, for people involved in fandom, it's just a normal activity. We sometimes even think, "I'm in the good mood for sad fanfic. Let me search and read. Don't disturb me while I'm suffering with this mess called 'feels'!"
Also, if you're interested in learning neurology, psychiatry, and fandom psychology, I have those three questions above. You may use it for research idea or something.
Jumat, 22 Juli 2016
Slow Romantic Activity
Today's prompt is "slowly". I instantly think about romantic stuffs like slow dance and slow kiss.
I'm not a fan of romance but still, I think those slow romantic activities sounds sweet, lovely, beautiful, etc. Although in some situation they make me cringe (sorry).
However, I don't think I will be able to do any romantic thing slowly because I'm awkward and sometimes overly excited. It means that if I have romantic feeling on someone, I would either do nothing (to avoid awkwardness) or do something silly (because I can't contain my excitement). That something silly includes me talking fast and trying hard not to grin too wide.
My behaviour makes me wonder about some things. How can people dance slowly with their loved ones? You're couple and you don't hug and jump through the music? Even if the song is slow, you may want to jump a little? How can the bride in Western wedding walk down the aisle? It's your wedding day, you're getting married, you don't want to run or jump? How can you kiss slo... Oh wait, I don't even want to know about that now.
Please be kind to answer my questions. This is for research (not really, I'm just curious).
I'm not a fan of romance but still, I think those slow romantic activities sounds sweet, lovely, beautiful, etc. Although in some situation they make me cringe (sorry).
However, I don't think I will be able to do any romantic thing slowly because I'm awkward and sometimes overly excited. It means that if I have romantic feeling on someone, I would either do nothing (to avoid awkwardness) or do something silly (because I can't contain my excitement). That something silly includes me talking fast and trying hard not to grin too wide.
My behaviour makes me wonder about some things. How can people dance slowly with their loved ones? You're couple and you don't hug and jump through the music? Even if the song is slow, you may want to jump a little? How can the bride in Western wedding walk down the aisle? It's your wedding day, you're getting married, you don't want to run or jump? How can you kiss slo... Oh wait, I don't even want to know about that now.
Please be kind to answer my questions. This is for research (not really, I'm just curious).
Kamis, 21 Juli 2016
Dress Shopping
"This dress looks funny," you pointed a dress.
"Oh, that mermaid cut dress?"
"It's called mermaid cut? Well, I want to try it."
You hurried into dressing room before I could respond.
"Do I look like Ariel now?" You asked while posing.
"Hahaha... Yeah, but instead of trying to be human, you ask the prince to be merman."
"That sounds like something you would do. Oh God, this dress is difficult to walk in," you said.
"That's a mermaid dress. Maybe you should swim instead?"
We wandered around the shop again. You tried on dress after dress while making some jokes (well, actually I made more jokes).
"You know, wearing these dresses makes me feel like a fairy tale character. Once I'm a mermaid, then I'm a princess with ball gown ready for masquerade, another time I'm a Greek goddess who blesses and curses anytime I want. I like them but I feel weird to wear them."
"Maybe we can try to look for tea length dress. It may suit your carefree vibes better. I mean, you don't have to wear long dress in your wedding," I offer.
"Really? I'm allowed to do that? Why didn't you tell me earlier? I thought those white midi dresses are for bridesmaids."
"I thought you knew. Have you ever read any wedding related stuff?" I asked in disbelief.
"Never. That's part of your duty as bridesmaid."
I facepalmed.
P.S.
"Why isn't there any bridal shop assistant in this fic?"
"Because it's fiction (?) I want it that way."
"Oh, that mermaid cut dress?"
"It's called mermaid cut? Well, I want to try it."
You hurried into dressing room before I could respond.
"Do I look like Ariel now?" You asked while posing.
"Hahaha... Yeah, but instead of trying to be human, you ask the prince to be merman."
"That sounds like something you would do. Oh God, this dress is difficult to walk in," you said.
"That's a mermaid dress. Maybe you should swim instead?"
We wandered around the shop again. You tried on dress after dress while making some jokes (well, actually I made more jokes).
"You know, wearing these dresses makes me feel like a fairy tale character. Once I'm a mermaid, then I'm a princess with ball gown ready for masquerade, another time I'm a Greek goddess who blesses and curses anytime I want. I like them but I feel weird to wear them."
"Maybe we can try to look for tea length dress. It may suit your carefree vibes better. I mean, you don't have to wear long dress in your wedding," I offer.
"Really? I'm allowed to do that? Why didn't you tell me earlier? I thought those white midi dresses are for bridesmaids."
"I thought you knew. Have you ever read any wedding related stuff?" I asked in disbelief.
"Never. That's part of your duty as bridesmaid."
I facepalmed.
P.S.
"Why isn't there any bridal shop assistant in this fic?"
"Because it's fiction (?) I want it that way."
Rabu, 13 Juli 2016
Walk under the Rain (and Frog Quiz)
Jumat, 24 Juni 2016
My Exam Hangover
I've had my comprehensive exams. I had comprehensive OSCE on Thursday, June 16th and comprehensive CBT on Tuesday, June 21st. Now I'm waiting for the result.
After exam I feel this condition I call exam hangover. I was curious to find out whether other people ever call it exam hangover so I google it. I found two proper results.
One result is from Urban Dictionary. According to Urban Dictionary, exam hangover is that period between the end post-secondary exams and the next day you can think. I also found an article, "A Remedy for Your University Exam Hangover".
I haven't done much during this exam hangover. I definitely don't study medical stuff (sorry). I borrow a novel from local library but I haven't even started reading it. I haven't written a letter for my German penpal (please wait patiently, dear). I want to buy flowers and arrange them but I'm currently saving my money for something else.
In that article I share the link above, the writer experience 4 week exam hangover. I hope mine is shorter. Now I'm going to open the novel I borrow.
After exam I feel this condition I call exam hangover. I was curious to find out whether other people ever call it exam hangover so I google it. I found two proper results.
One result is from Urban Dictionary. According to Urban Dictionary, exam hangover is that period between the end post-secondary exams and the next day you can think. I also found an article, "A Remedy for Your University Exam Hangover".
I haven't done much during this exam hangover. I definitely don't study medical stuff (sorry). I borrow a novel from local library but I haven't even started reading it. I haven't written a letter for my German penpal (please wait patiently, dear). I want to buy flowers and arrange them but I'm currently saving my money for something else.
In that article I share the link above, the writer experience 4 week exam hangover. I hope mine is shorter. Now I'm going to open the novel I borrow.
Jumat, 17 Juni 2016
Voronezh or Sarov
"I've always wanted to visit Russia," I told the Russian scientist.
"You have nothing to do in Russia."
"I want to watch ballet in Bolshoi. Seriously."
"Eheu! Ballet in theatre. Red square. **** that. If you want to visit Russia, go to Voronezh or Sarov."
"What can I do in Voronezh or Sarov?"
"Drink bad beer, smoke a cigarette, and start hating the world."
"I neither drink beer or smoke but I can take part on that 'hating the world' "
"You will start when you arrive in Voronezh."
Note:
"You have nothing to do in Russia."
"I want to watch ballet in Bolshoi. Seriously."
"Eheu! Ballet in theatre. Red square. **** that. If you want to visit Russia, go to Voronezh or Sarov."
"What can I do in Voronezh or Sarov?"
"Drink bad beer, smoke a cigarette, and start hating the world."
"I neither drink beer or smoke but I can take part on that 'hating the world' "
"You will start when you arrive in Voronezh."
Note:
- The conversation above actually happened between a Russian friend and me. I searched for Voronezh and Sarov in Google and I found that Voronezh looks like typical European city while Sarov, as Wikipedia said, is closed as it is the Russian centre for nuclear research. If you have ever visited or even lived in Voronezh, could you please tell me why my friend said that way about the city?
- "Eheu!" is Latin word which means "Alas!" or "Oh my God!" (according to Google translate and my friend).
- Just in case you know me in real life and worry about my health, I feel the need to state this once again. I don't smoke. I don't drink alcoholic beverage.
Senin, 06 Juni 2016
When You Lose Your Playful Mood
I haven't felt well lately but I have been in playful mood. I studied for comprehensive exam then I made something like cubeecraft or flower crown. I was just excited to make crafts that I felt okay despite the illness.
My mood changed when I heard a bad news from a friend. A friend of mine, also a medical student, has been lost since Saturday. By "lost" I really mean that no one sees him or hear anything from him. He didn't even bring his phone.
It's sad. Now we, all of his friends, are worried. His parents have informed the police and we try to contact and inform as many people as possible to help us, just in case anyone sees our friend.
The illness almost doesn't bother me at all now because this bad news has bothered me enough.
My mood changed when I heard a bad news from a friend. A friend of mine, also a medical student, has been lost since Saturday. By "lost" I really mean that no one sees him or hear anything from him. He didn't even bring his phone.
It's sad. Now we, all of his friends, are worried. His parents have informed the police and we try to contact and inform as many people as possible to help us, just in case anyone sees our friend.
The illness almost doesn't bother me at all now because this bad news has bothered me enough.
Kamis, 26 Mei 2016
Boggart and Sexual Assault
In Harry Potter series, boggart is an amortal shape shifting non-being that takes on the form of viewer's worst fear.
Hermione's boggart on her third year was Professor McGonagall telling her that she failed all exams. Molly Weasley's boggart was the dead bodies of her family.
When I was at school, I thought my boggart would be like Hermione's since I was quite an overachiever. After I entered medical school, I found out that failure in exam was not that scary so I guessed my boggart would be the dead bodies of my family or friends.
Then I was sexually assaulted and I understood what fear was like. It was worse than failure in exam, even worse than losing a loved one. I'm fine with bad grade in university. I can deal with losing a family member or friend quite well. However, sexual assault is different.
There are countless times I regret the assault. It's irrational, though. I'm the victim but why would I regret? I just can't help it. I think about "what if" and "I should have" even when I'm fully aware that it was not my fault and I can't turn back time.
In Harry Potter series, we say "Riddikulus" to combat a boggart. While saying the charm, we need to concentrate on something funny that the boggart will change shape into.
Sadly, everytime I think about those who assaulted me, or any kind of sexual assault, I think about the scene in Game of Thrones where Arya killed Meryn Trant, the cruel knight who was also a pedophile. In that scene, Arya stabbed Meryn Trant several times in his eyes and chest then finally slitted his throat. I sometimes imagine myself doing that to those who assault me but imagination is imagination. I can't do that. I don't do such thing.
I haven't got any idea of something funny to change my boggart into because there is nothing funny about sexual assault.
Hermione's boggart on her third year was Professor McGonagall telling her that she failed all exams. Molly Weasley's boggart was the dead bodies of her family.
When I was at school, I thought my boggart would be like Hermione's since I was quite an overachiever. After I entered medical school, I found out that failure in exam was not that scary so I guessed my boggart would be the dead bodies of my family or friends.
Then I was sexually assaulted and I understood what fear was like. It was worse than failure in exam, even worse than losing a loved one. I'm fine with bad grade in university. I can deal with losing a family member or friend quite well. However, sexual assault is different.
There are countless times I regret the assault. It's irrational, though. I'm the victim but why would I regret? I just can't help it. I think about "what if" and "I should have" even when I'm fully aware that it was not my fault and I can't turn back time.
In Harry Potter series, we say "Riddikulus" to combat a boggart. While saying the charm, we need to concentrate on something funny that the boggart will change shape into.
Sadly, everytime I think about those who assaulted me, or any kind of sexual assault, I think about the scene in Game of Thrones where Arya killed Meryn Trant, the cruel knight who was also a pedophile. In that scene, Arya stabbed Meryn Trant several times in his eyes and chest then finally slitted his throat. I sometimes imagine myself doing that to those who assault me but imagination is imagination. I can't do that. I don't do such thing.
I haven't got any idea of something funny to change my boggart into because there is nothing funny about sexual assault.
Selasa, 24 Mei 2016
Talking about Fandom: Is It Just a Phase?
Oxford dictionary has some definition of phase. The first definition is "a distinct period or stage in a process of change or forming part of something's development". That definition has more sub-definition (I don't know what to call it): 1.1. a stage in a person's psychological development, especially a period of temporary difficulty during adolescence or particular stage during childhood; 1.2. a stage in the life cycle or annual cycle of an animal.
When I was a kid, I read and watched Detective Conan a lot. My dad told me, "You won't like Detective Conan anymore when you grow up." I responded, "I will like Conan until I'm old."
It turned out that my dad was right, partly. As I grew up, I became less obsessed with Conan but then a day came when my cousin let me read some Conan comics that she borrowed from her friend. I was obsessed with Conan again, for days, or weeks. I even considered naming my motorcycle Conan although I then put the idea at the back of my mind.
So my dad thought that my obsessive-fangirl-state is just a once-in-a-lifetime phase but it didn't turn that way. My obsession is a part of a bigger cycle which I call a fan cycle. It happens this way: I discover something good -> I become curious -> I try to know more about it -> I like it more -> I'm obsessed for a period of time -> dormant period -> I discover another something good -> repeat cycle. That's what happens to me.
Fan cycle can vary to different people. Some people may stay in obessive phase forever. Some people exeperience multiple cycles at once, which means that they are into multiple fandoms with almost same amount of love and attention (or obsession). Some people don't go further than the discovering phase.
One cycle of specific fan cycle can stop happening then occur again after a long time. It happens to me with Detective Conan, as I mention above. I also experienced my My-Chemical-Romance-fan-cycle again after years of not really thinking about them.
Why and how a long forgotten fan cycle can occur again in our head? That's a topic for another post.
Minggu, 01 Mei 2016
Not Allowed
"May I take care of your scar?"
"No. Every scar has story and I haven't allowed you to enter my story. Beside, it's scar, not wound. I can deal with it."
"Will you ever allow me? I just want to help."
"I don't know."
Songs That Sounds Like Fiction
Yesterday's prompt is "stairway" and my mind instantly remember the song Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. I mention that song several times in this blog, by the way.
Stairway to Heaven is one of those songs which lyrics sound like fiction. The story features a lady who is buying a stairway to heaven. My favourite is the live version in Madison Square Garden, New York city, 1973. Not only that we can listen to longer solo guitar by Jimmy Page, we can also watch Robert Plant's gesture. Robert Plant did look like telling a story in that live version.
Another fiction-like song is Hotel California by Eagles. It tells a story about a hotel on a dark desert highway but it later turns out that the hotel is only programmed to receive. I looked for the live version and I found this video. I was surprised to see that the singer also played drum. That was rare for me. On a side note, my favourite part of that song lyrics is "This could be heaven or this could be hell." That describes my life choice.
I also like Temple of the King by Rainbow. For some unknown reasons, everytime I listen to that song, I remember Kung Fu Panda. The strong young man in that song is Po and the temple of the king is Jade Palace. Really, I'm stuck with that messed up interpretation. I'm sorry, Ritchie Blackmore. I usually listen to this version but when I searched for the live version, I found this.
And finally, another song that sounds like fiction - which I happen to mention a lot in this blog - is Build God then We'll Talk by Panic! At The Disco. The song sets in a substandard motel and the characters are an attorney, his Mrs., and a virgin. The attorney cheated with the virgin but his Mrs. chose to stay with him: wonderful caricature of intimacy. How did Ryan Ross get the idea for the lyrics? My favourite version of that song is from Live in Denver because we can listen to Brendon Urie's vocal, watch his expression and gesture (he really told a story), and listen to Ryan Ross' damn-fine part.
Oh, by the way, I think it would be nice if someone write fiction based on any song lyrics in this post. Write about that lady with stairway to heaven. What will happen to her and the stairway? Will she take someone or some people to walk on the stairway with her? Write about that person in Hotel California. What will happen to him? Will he try to escape or accept his fate? Write about that strong young man. Will the king give him task or something? Write about the people in that motel. What will happen to the virgin after she begins to work at the firm? What does the Mrs. keep in her purse? Will the lawyer leave his Mrs or stay with her?
Stairway to Heaven is one of those songs which lyrics sound like fiction. The story features a lady who is buying a stairway to heaven. My favourite is the live version in Madison Square Garden, New York city, 1973. Not only that we can listen to longer solo guitar by Jimmy Page, we can also watch Robert Plant's gesture. Robert Plant did look like telling a story in that live version.
Another fiction-like song is Hotel California by Eagles. It tells a story about a hotel on a dark desert highway but it later turns out that the hotel is only programmed to receive. I looked for the live version and I found this video. I was surprised to see that the singer also played drum. That was rare for me. On a side note, my favourite part of that song lyrics is "This could be heaven or this could be hell." That describes my life choice.
I also like Temple of the King by Rainbow. For some unknown reasons, everytime I listen to that song, I remember Kung Fu Panda. The strong young man in that song is Po and the temple of the king is Jade Palace. Really, I'm stuck with that messed up interpretation. I'm sorry, Ritchie Blackmore. I usually listen to this version but when I searched for the live version, I found this.
And finally, another song that sounds like fiction - which I happen to mention a lot in this blog - is Build God then We'll Talk by Panic! At The Disco. The song sets in a substandard motel and the characters are an attorney, his Mrs., and a virgin. The attorney cheated with the virgin but his Mrs. chose to stay with him: wonderful caricature of intimacy. How did Ryan Ross get the idea for the lyrics? My favourite version of that song is from Live in Denver because we can listen to Brendon Urie's vocal, watch his expression and gesture (he really told a story), and listen to Ryan Ross' damn-fine part.
Oh, by the way, I think it would be nice if someone write fiction based on any song lyrics in this post. Write about that lady with stairway to heaven. What will happen to her and the stairway? Will she take someone or some people to walk on the stairway with her? Write about that person in Hotel California. What will happen to him? Will he try to escape or accept his fate? Write about that strong young man. Will the king give him task or something? Write about the people in that motel. What will happen to the virgin after she begins to work at the firm? What does the Mrs. keep in her purse? Will the lawyer leave his Mrs or stay with her?
Rabu, 27 April 2016
Out of Place
They stood in the corner. She wrote in her small notebook, he drew sketches. Both seemed out of place in the masquerade ball.
"Oh, you draw the lady with purple dress over there? Her hair is wavy. You draw her wrong," she said to him.
He retort, "Would you please shut up and go back to your writing? What do you write anyway?" Then he took her notebook and read while mimicking her voice, "A newlywed man play single on the dance floor."
Even when his face was covered with a mask, she could tell he was surprised. "What?" She asked.
"What was that supposed to mean? Play single? How did you even know that he's newlywed?"
"I just know," she replied. "Hey, would you like to dance? After that you can approach that lady in purple dress."
"I can't dance and I don't want to approach that lady."
"Put your paper and pencil in your pocket. I'll teach you how to dance and talk to a lady," she said while grabbing his right wrist.
"I talk to you all the time."
"All right, correction then. I'll teach you how to dance and talk to a lady other than me."
P.S. I've never gone to a ball or masquerade so if this story sounds unlikely, please tell me.
"Oh, you draw the lady with purple dress over there? Her hair is wavy. You draw her wrong," she said to him.
He retort, "Would you please shut up and go back to your writing? What do you write anyway?" Then he took her notebook and read while mimicking her voice, "A newlywed man play single on the dance floor."
Even when his face was covered with a mask, she could tell he was surprised. "What?" She asked.
"What was that supposed to mean? Play single? How did you even know that he's newlywed?"
"I just know," she replied. "Hey, would you like to dance? After that you can approach that lady in purple dress."
"I can't dance and I don't want to approach that lady."
"Put your paper and pencil in your pocket. I'll teach you how to dance and talk to a lady," she said while grabbing his right wrist.
"I talk to you all the time."
"All right, correction then. I'll teach you how to dance and talk to a lady other than me."
P.S. I've never gone to a ball or masquerade so if this story sounds unlikely, please tell me.
Minggu, 24 April 2016
Sansa Stark and Girl's Struggle
Game of Thrones season 6 is going to air soon. I'm a Game of Thrones completely internet fan. It means that I don't watch the entire show and I don't read the entire books either. I get information here and there from the internet and I can still call myself a fan, can't I?
I'm curious about Sansa's fate in season 6. Rumour says she will do good. I hope so because Sansa is my favourite character.
Why is Sansa my favourite character? Because, in my opinon, Sansa Stark is relatable. I guess every girl or woman, at some points in their life can relate to Sansa. There must be one time when a girl wants to speak up or put up a fight but hold herself because she remembers that "a lady's armor is courtesy" so she put her armor of courtesy to protect herself, to keep herself alive. If you consider that a weakness, then you don't understand. Some girls don't have many choices and all they want is to be alive and safe, and safe can be defined in various ways.
I also adore Arya. Many times I want to fight like Arya but I remember that I don't live in Westeros and I can't stab people as I want. I don't even know how to handle a sword. I think Sansa also wants to fight like Arya sometimes but she is aware that she can't do that.
After all, those Stark sisters show and remind me the struggle of being a girl.
I'm curious about Sansa's fate in season 6. Rumour says she will do good. I hope so because Sansa is my favourite character.
Why is Sansa my favourite character? Because, in my opinon, Sansa Stark is relatable. I guess every girl or woman, at some points in their life can relate to Sansa. There must be one time when a girl wants to speak up or put up a fight but hold herself because she remembers that "a lady's armor is courtesy" so she put her armor of courtesy to protect herself, to keep herself alive. If you consider that a weakness, then you don't understand. Some girls don't have many choices and all they want is to be alive and safe, and safe can be defined in various ways.
I also adore Arya. Many times I want to fight like Arya but I remember that I don't live in Westeros and I can't stab people as I want. I don't even know how to handle a sword. I think Sansa also wants to fight like Arya sometimes but she is aware that she can't do that.
After all, those Stark sisters show and remind me the struggle of being a girl.
Rabu, 20 April 2016
Opening Up about My Mental Condition
On the last few days I experienced burnout and worse, it happened when I had to finalise my thesis editing and write scientific article. Worse, the registration for graduation ceremony in June has been opened. Worse, my mom was anxious and she told me to hurry up and finish everything so I could graduate in June.
I don't really like it when someone tells me to hurry up, especially when I get a bad case of burnout.
That time, I decided to tell my mom, "I can't think and work quickly like I did when I was at school. Now it's easy for me to get mentally exhausted and when it happens, I can't do anything. I just can't."
It was relieving to say that. Seriously. Finally I told someone of my family about my mental condition and I felt great. It doesn't mean that I got better right after I told my mom. And my mom may not take me to psychologist or psychiatrist. I'm just happy from the fact that I finally opened up about my mental condition.
After I said that, my mom answered, "Well, let's just hope that you can finish it well." I think she understands.
I told my friend about it and he said, "I guess all you need is emotional support?" That response hit me because I never really cared about emotional support. Maybe because, in my opinion, being in this condition for a long time, I'm used to feeling it alone. Burnout after burnout, sometimes even depression, and I don't tell my family about how I feel. I often think to myself that I can deal with it alone because that's how it works for me: burnout or depression comes, I suffer, and it ends then I live normally, after that it comes again, I suffer again then it ends, and the cycle repeats many times.
That day I learned that telling someone about my mental condition doesn't heal me right but it does make me feel better, even just a bit.
Minggu, 17 April 2016
Hyperventilating Fangirl
I like Panic! At The Disco but I don't know all of their songs. Today was the first time I heard the song "She Had the World" and I loved it. The song was beautiful and I got teary eyes from the emotion. After that, I heard the part where Ryan sang and I made hyperventilating noise.
I didn't really have difficulty in breathing when listening to Ryan Ross. It was just kind of habit. I don't always like his voice but when his voice is damn fine (in my opinion), I make hyperventilating noise. I haven't found out why. I know that some psychological condition like panic attack can cause real hyperventilation but I didn't experience panic attack. I experience Panic! At The Disco attack. Are they the same thing? I don't think so.
Idea for next research or whatever: cause of hyperventilation among fangirl. Anyone involved in fandom and interested in pulmonology and neuropsychiatry? Here I've given you idea.
I didn't really have difficulty in breathing when listening to Ryan Ross. It was just kind of habit. I don't always like his voice but when his voice is damn fine (in my opinion), I make hyperventilating noise. I haven't found out why. I know that some psychological condition like panic attack can cause real hyperventilation but I didn't experience panic attack. I experience Panic! At The Disco attack. Are they the same thing? I don't think so.
Idea for next research or whatever: cause of hyperventilation among fangirl. Anyone involved in fandom and interested in pulmonology and neuropsychiatry? Here I've given you idea.
Rabu, 13 April 2016
Burnout
I have short attention span.
Short attention span plus burnout equals mental torture to me, and that happens now.
Two days ago I wrote preface for my thesis. It was a standard preface and I had gotten the format from my friend. It was an easy task. However, bringing myself to type a lecturer's name in preface was already a mental workout for me.
I still haven't written scientific article and I don't know when I can start. How can I write if I can't even think about it?
The registration for graduation ceremony started a few days ago and it will be closed on May 5th. I hope I can finish my article before May 5th.
I hope I can get over this burnout.
Short attention span plus burnout equals mental torture to me, and that happens now.
Two days ago I wrote preface for my thesis. It was a standard preface and I had gotten the format from my friend. It was an easy task. However, bringing myself to type a lecturer's name in preface was already a mental workout for me.
I still haven't written scientific article and I don't know when I can start. How can I write if I can't even think about it?
The registration for graduation ceremony started a few days ago and it will be closed on May 5th. I hope I can finish my article before May 5th.
I hope I can get over this burnout.
Selasa, 12 April 2016
I Feel Done
I've ever mentioned in this blog that I was interested in psychiatry. I still am. However, after writing thesis with psychiatry topic, I feel done.
I once considered being a psychiatrist but after months of writing psychiatry-related thesis, I changed my mind. I have come to realisation that psychiatry is not for me. It's interesting but I will learn it as a hobby (now I sound like Saitama from One Punch Man), otherwise I will drain my mental energy.
I haven't figured out which medical career path that I want to choose.
I once considered being a psychiatrist but after months of writing psychiatry-related thesis, I changed my mind. I have come to realisation that psychiatry is not for me. It's interesting but I will learn it as a hobby (now I sound like Saitama from One Punch Man), otherwise I will drain my mental energy.
I haven't figured out which medical career path that I want to choose.
Senin, 11 April 2016
Poem Taken From a Newspaper Item
by Manuel Bandeira
Sweet Johnny was a porter in the open market and lived in a numberless shack on Babylon Hill
One night he went into Twentieth of November Bar
He drank
He sang
He danced
Then he threw himself into Rodrigo de Freitas lagoon and died drowned
I first found this poem from a book by Sapardi Djoko Damono, entitled "Bilang Begini Maksudnya Begitu" and it was the Indonesian version. Then I found that English version from the internet, from google book "Brazilian Women Speak: Contemporary Life Stories".
Here is the Indonesian version.
Sajak Berdasarkan Sebuah Berita di Koran
Si John Periang adalah seorang pesuruh di Pasar Petani dan tinggal di Bukit Babilonia di sebuah gubuk yang tak bernomor
Pada suatu malam ia pergi ke Warung Dua Puluh November
Ia minum
Ia menyanyi
Ia menari
Kemudian ia menceburkan diri ke dalam Telaga Rodrigo de Freitas dan Tenggelam
I may write more about poems in the upcoming posts. I don't promise.
Sweet Johnny was a porter in the open market and lived in a numberless shack on Babylon Hill
One night he went into Twentieth of November Bar
He drank
He sang
He danced
Then he threw himself into Rodrigo de Freitas lagoon and died drowned
I first found this poem from a book by Sapardi Djoko Damono, entitled "Bilang Begini Maksudnya Begitu" and it was the Indonesian version. Then I found that English version from the internet, from google book "Brazilian Women Speak: Contemporary Life Stories".
Here is the Indonesian version.
Sajak Berdasarkan Sebuah Berita di Koran
Si John Periang adalah seorang pesuruh di Pasar Petani dan tinggal di Bukit Babilonia di sebuah gubuk yang tak bernomor
Pada suatu malam ia pergi ke Warung Dua Puluh November
Ia minum
Ia menyanyi
Ia menari
Kemudian ia menceburkan diri ke dalam Telaga Rodrigo de Freitas dan Tenggelam
I may write more about poems in the upcoming posts. I don't promise.
Sabtu, 09 April 2016
Green Things in My Fandoms
The prompt is "green" so I'm just going to brainstrom some green things in fandom.
Green is the colour of Slytherin. It's the house of those cunning folks who use any means to achieve their ends.
Harry Potter has green eyes. It is said that Harry has his mother's eyes. Rowling said if they were casting Lily, there needed to be a resemblance (in the eyes) but they don't absolutely have to be green.
The killing curse Avada Kedavra produces green light. On a side note, when writing this, I suddenly want to do flame test experiment and create green flame. I will ask my mother later. She's a chemistry teacher by the way.
House Tyrell has golden rose on green field as their sigil. They rule the Reach, the most fertile region and thus, the greenest part of Westeros.
There is a song by Panic! At The Disco called That Green Gentleman. I like the lyrics, "Things have changed for me and that's okay, I feel the same, I'm on my way." What I don't understand is the title. Why is the gentleman green? Why is the song given that title? Who wrote the lyrics and who gave the title? What did he think when he pick the title? Then I realise that the only sensible answer is, "Because it's a song by Panic! At The Disco."
I realise that I can't find any green thing related to My Chemical Romance. Well, Gerard Way hasn't dyed his hair green, has he?
Green is the colour of Slytherin. It's the house of those cunning folks who use any means to achieve their ends.
Harry Potter has green eyes. It is said that Harry has his mother's eyes. Rowling said if they were casting Lily, there needed to be a resemblance (in the eyes) but they don't absolutely have to be green.
The killing curse Avada Kedavra produces green light. On a side note, when writing this, I suddenly want to do flame test experiment and create green flame. I will ask my mother later. She's a chemistry teacher by the way.
House Tyrell has golden rose on green field as their sigil. They rule the Reach, the most fertile region and thus, the greenest part of Westeros.
There is a song by Panic! At The Disco called That Green Gentleman. I like the lyrics, "Things have changed for me and that's okay, I feel the same, I'm on my way." What I don't understand is the title. Why is the gentleman green? Why is the song given that title? Who wrote the lyrics and who gave the title? What did he think when he pick the title? Then I realise that the only sensible answer is, "Because it's a song by Panic! At The Disco."
I realise that I can't find any green thing related to My Chemical Romance. Well, Gerard Way hasn't dyed his hair green, has he?
Rabu, 06 April 2016
Some Places, Real and Fictional
I don't travel a lot and I haven't been so faraway from home. I would love to. There are places I want to visit, both real and fictional.
In real world, Russia is still on the top of my places-to-visit list. I want to watch ballet in Bolshoi Theatre or take Trans Siberian railway journey.
In fictional world, I want to visit Westeros after the place is safe and peaceful enough. But when? We can't be sure.
Westeros can be a great place to visit. From the cold North to fertile region of the Reach then to the desert of Dorne. I even consider taking Lady Slytherin to Westeros if she doesn't mind. She's not much into "A Song of Ice and Fire" but I guess she will agree to travel once Westeros is safe.
Lady Slytherin is a fan of J. R. R. Tolkien so she may take me to Middle Earth in return. She has always wanted to go to there to meet Thranduil and rule the realm together. Let them rule, I will just visit the Shire.
Another fictional place to visit, recommended by Elsa, is Cerulean City. I don't know much about Pokemon but I think it would be a nice place to visit. If I happen to visit Cerulean City, I surely will hire Elsa to be my tour guide.
I ended up writing one real place and three fictional places. It may explain enough about my perspective.
In real world, Russia is still on the top of my places-to-visit list. I want to watch ballet in Bolshoi Theatre or take Trans Siberian railway journey.
In fictional world, I want to visit Westeros after the place is safe and peaceful enough. But when? We can't be sure.
Westeros can be a great place to visit. From the cold North to fertile region of the Reach then to the desert of Dorne. I even consider taking Lady Slytherin to Westeros if she doesn't mind. She's not much into "A Song of Ice and Fire" but I guess she will agree to travel once Westeros is safe.
Lady Slytherin is a fan of J. R. R. Tolkien so she may take me to Middle Earth in return. She has always wanted to go to there to meet Thranduil and rule the realm together. Let them rule, I will just visit the Shire.
Another fictional place to visit, recommended by Elsa, is Cerulean City. I don't know much about Pokemon but I think it would be a nice place to visit. If I happen to visit Cerulean City, I surely will hire Elsa to be my tour guide.
I ended up writing one real place and three fictional places. It may explain enough about my perspective.
Senin, 04 April 2016
In the Morning
She looked at her right leg, at the dark temporary tattoo contrasting her pale skin. Its colour started to fade. "I need to buy a new one," she thought to herself. She considered having a new one on her waist, or her shoulder; anywhere only she could see it.
Once she wore her long skirt, the tattoo is covered.
Then she put on coral lipstick and practiced her smile.
She was ready to face the day.
Once she wore her long skirt, the tattoo is covered.
Then she put on coral lipstick and practiced her smile.
She was ready to face the day.
Minggu, 03 April 2016
Talking about Fandom: That Moment When You Can't Function
The prompt today is clarity. Why is the prompt "clarity" when I can't think clearly now?
My feeling is wrecked by an abandoned fanfic. Plus, the author abandoned it in an emotional part where the problem hadn't been solved and now I'm flooded with affection toward the main character. How I want to hug him and tell him everything is all right and he is enough. It may sound silly but that's what I feel now.
Have you ever felt that kind of emotion for someone you don't even know in person? Fiction readers deal with that many times. Anyone involved in fandom deals with that.
However, not many people understand that feeling so that may be the reason why there is fandom community in internet. You can find it in the form of blog, discussion forum, pinterest board, instagram account, YouTube videos, or anything. It's like a support group where fans share stories and understand each other.
Such community can either push you further into the depth of emotional valley or help you get up and face the real world. I experience both.
After a while, things will be better and I hope we can function again. We, fandom "residents" can always face both real and fictional world. We are strong enough.
My feeling is wrecked by an abandoned fanfic. Plus, the author abandoned it in an emotional part where the problem hadn't been solved and now I'm flooded with affection toward the main character. How I want to hug him and tell him everything is all right and he is enough. It may sound silly but that's what I feel now.
Have you ever felt that kind of emotion for someone you don't even know in person? Fiction readers deal with that many times. Anyone involved in fandom deals with that.
However, not many people understand that feeling so that may be the reason why there is fandom community in internet. You can find it in the form of blog, discussion forum, pinterest board, instagram account, YouTube videos, or anything. It's like a support group where fans share stories and understand each other.
Such community can either push you further into the depth of emotional valley or help you get up and face the real world. I experience both.
After a while, things will be better and I hope we can function again. We, fandom "residents" can always face both real and fictional world. We are strong enough.
Sabtu, 02 April 2016
Z Berg's Personal Narrative
A few days ago I opened Ryan Ross' facebook page and scrolled a bit too far through it. Don't ask me why I did that.
I found a post from 2014 about Z Berg's EP. In the last paragraph, he said, "If I had to offer one piece of advice: Write a song that moves people, and write it from within yourself. Your personal narrative is more engaging and moving than anything else you can imagine in your mind. Z writes real, personal songs, and that's why they're as powerful as they are."
I listened from soundcloud and my first impression was, I felt comfortable to listen to the songs, even before I understood the lyrics.
I like the song Charades. On a side note, when I read the word "charades" I felt familiar then I realised that my family car is Daihatsu Charade. Fine, then.
I searched for the lyrics and found them on Z Berg's bandcamp. That moment, I understood what Ryan Ross meant with "real, personal songs." The lyrics are honest but not brutal. They're beautiful, delicate even.
The lyrics for "Killing Time" song touched me. It talks about dysfunctional relationship (I guess) and instead of expressing direct anger or sadness, this song expresses a kind of frustration. It's the feeling when your common sense tells you something is wrong but you convince yourself that it's all right. What kind of feeling is that? This time, I still call that frustation, and it doesn't only happen in relationship.
In some ways, I find the song "I Fall for the Same Face" funny. It reminds me of that time when I was a teenager and I was always attracted to guys who, have almost similar features. Even my friends could see which guy I would be interested in because it was quite predictable.
And that was how I found comfort in listening to a songwriter's - as Ryan Ross said - personal narrative.
I found a post from 2014 about Z Berg's EP. In the last paragraph, he said, "If I had to offer one piece of advice: Write a song that moves people, and write it from within yourself. Your personal narrative is more engaging and moving than anything else you can imagine in your mind. Z writes real, personal songs, and that's why they're as powerful as they are."
I listened from soundcloud and my first impression was, I felt comfortable to listen to the songs, even before I understood the lyrics.
I like the song Charades. On a side note, when I read the word "charades" I felt familiar then I realised that my family car is Daihatsu Charade. Fine, then.
I searched for the lyrics and found them on Z Berg's bandcamp. That moment, I understood what Ryan Ross meant with "real, personal songs." The lyrics are honest but not brutal. They're beautiful, delicate even.
The lyrics for "Killing Time" song touched me. It talks about dysfunctional relationship (I guess) and instead of expressing direct anger or sadness, this song expresses a kind of frustration. It's the feeling when your common sense tells you something is wrong but you convince yourself that it's all right. What kind of feeling is that? This time, I still call that frustation, and it doesn't only happen in relationship.
In some ways, I find the song "I Fall for the Same Face" funny. It reminds me of that time when I was a teenager and I was always attracted to guys who, have almost similar features. Even my friends could see which guy I would be interested in because it was quite predictable.
And that was how I found comfort in listening to a songwriter's - as Ryan Ross said - personal narrative.
I Try Spotify
Daphne from Volume Up wrote a post "5 Ways to Discover Your New Favorite Band" and she suggested Spotify as her first recommendation.
There are two versions: free and premium. I try the free version (it's called free version, right?). As far as I know, in premium version, there won't be any advertisement in random time between songs.
I chose only a few songs so the list doesn't look overwhelming because I always have the urge to delete files when the folder is full but don't know which file to delete.
I started with Panic! At The Disco (when will this fangirling phase be over?) and only chose maximum three songs from each album. Then I found the album Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance and I thought, "I like all of them. I will feel guilty to leave any song out," so I added all of them to the list. Of course I also put Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.
I haven't tried any songs in my "Discover" feature. There are so many of them and I still have many times to discover.
Instead, I tried the "Radio", chose rock genre, and found a song called "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield. I later found out that Buffalo Springfield was an old rock band. My mom's influence, again.
As someone whose musical routine often depends on YouTube (yes, that's me), I think Spotify is nice. It's a music streamer so it doesn't take too long time to load and listen to the music. Saying that makes me feel like I cheat on YouTube by the way.
There are two versions: free and premium. I try the free version (it's called free version, right?). As far as I know, in premium version, there won't be any advertisement in random time between songs.
I chose only a few songs so the list doesn't look overwhelming because I always have the urge to delete files when the folder is full but don't know which file to delete.
I started with Panic! At The Disco (when will this fangirling phase be over?) and only chose maximum three songs from each album. Then I found the album Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance and I thought, "I like all of them. I will feel guilty to leave any song out," so I added all of them to the list. Of course I also put Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.
I haven't tried any songs in my "Discover" feature. There are so many of them and I still have many times to discover.
Instead, I tried the "Radio", chose rock genre, and found a song called "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield. I later found out that Buffalo Springfield was an old rock band. My mom's influence, again.
As someone whose musical routine often depends on YouTube (yes, that's me), I think Spotify is nice. It's a music streamer so it doesn't take too long time to load and listen to the music. Saying that makes me feel like I cheat on YouTube by the way.
Jumat, 01 April 2016
Rambling about Marriage: What?
I took hours to write a draft about it but it didn't turn up good so I just want to ramble here.
I've set my timer for 10 minutes. Here we go.
A close friend of mine has already had a serious conversation with her parents about marriage. She hasn't got a husband-to-be so her parents told her to get one.
One day, my mom said, "You've finished your thesis. Soon you will be a co-assistant, then a doctor. After that, get married and give me grandchild(ren)." I answered, "Please don't rush me into getting married soon." She said, "All right, I won't rush you. Just don't take too long time." What?
To be honest, I haven't considered marriage seriously. I'm in early twenties and I want to get married when I'm 27 or 28. Why should I worry now? I have many things to worry about without even adding marriage to the list.
My age of choice is also a problem. Many people here think that 25 is ideal age for a woman to marry. That may be true for those people but for me, I won't be ready to get married at the age of 25. I'm the one who will get married so I'm supposed to understand when I'm ready, aren't I? However, some people think 27 or 28 is a little late. What?
I've rambled for 10 minutes now.
All right, 10 more minutes then.
My mom once told me, "When you have found the good man, just tell me." I said, "Okay."
Talking about man... Where should I start? Whatever, I'll talk about my feeling instead. I have had crush multiple times. However, when I'm attracted to someone, I always have mixed feeling. Some parts of my mind want friendship, some other parts want relationship, the rest of the parts just don't care. The parts that want friendship make 80% of the mixture. Even when I feel strong romantic feeling about someone, the 80% can always come and make me want friendship instead.
Maybe someday the mixture composition of that feeling changes when I found the right man. What?
Oh, by friendship, I mean that friendship where you are able to communicate easily, maybe even comfortable silence.
So, my time for rambling is up.
I hope I can find the right good man without, as my mother say, taking too long time.
Rabu, 30 Maret 2016
Mom, This is Panic! At The Disco (This Post is not a Fanfiction)
Last Sunday, I told my mom about that song cover overload with Dika. I said, "Dika liked Bohemian Rhapsody but he didn't want to open its version by Panic! At The Disco because he knew it's my favourite. Then he shared a cover on facebook and his friend gave him link to Panic! At The Disco's version. So, he opened it." My mom laughed.
I added more stories, "I like Panic! At The Disco. Their songs are great and the so are the lyrics. Some of the lyrics sound more like short story to me. There is this song called 'Build God then We'll Talk' which is about a motel with a hint of asbestos and formaldehyde. In that motel there is a lawyer and his wife. The lawyer has an affair but his wife chose to stay with him because she needs his money. See, mom? That sounds like a story. A novel, maybe."
Don't ask me why of all the songs by P!ATD, I chose to tell my mother about that one.
On Monday, I showed P!ATD's cover of Bohemian Rhapsody to my mom. She said, "This is great. His voice. It's like the original. Wait, I'm curious about the reffrain." Then the reffrain played and my mother liked it, "Wow, the guitarist is also good." In my mind, I was like: yes, mom!
I then remembered that I had showed my mom the video of P!ATD perform "Build God then We'll Talk" live in Denver. I told my mom, "This is that band who once used circus as their theme. Now the vocalist is shirtless (yes, I said this)." She answered, "Some artists like to perform shirtless on stage. You know Kaka, the vocalist of Slank? He's almost always shirtless on stage, if I'm not mistaken."
I thought to myself, "How do you even know that, Mom?" Then I remembered that my mom was the one who passed the genes of music preference to me.
Song Cover Overload: the (Almost) Full Story
In my previous post, I talked about Dika who shared a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody. Here is the full story (whoa, it sounds important).
My friend Dika is interested in various things. Usually, when he's interested in something, he share anything related to it on facebook.
Last Sunday he liked Bohemian Rhapsody and he shared some (correction: plenty of) covers on facebook. He told me, "There is a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody by Panic! At The Disco on my YouTube recommendation. I don't open it." I tried to convince him but he didn't want to (duh).
Then he shared an ukulele cover by Jake Shimabukuro and one of his friends commented, "Good cover. Here is another good cover" with a link to Panic! At The Disco's Bohemian Rhapsody cover. I admit I was excited reading that comment. It turned out that Dika's friend also listened to Panic! At The Disco. Yeay! So, finally Dika is convinced to open the video.
After he opened the video, Dika is amused/annoyed/bothered by the comment section. Hahaha... I will talk about it in my next "Talking about Fandom" post.
My friend Dika is interested in various things. Usually, when he's interested in something, he share anything related to it on facebook.
Last Sunday he liked Bohemian Rhapsody and he shared some (correction: plenty of) covers on facebook. He told me, "There is a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody by Panic! At The Disco on my YouTube recommendation. I don't open it." I tried to convince him but he didn't want to (duh).
Then he shared an ukulele cover by Jake Shimabukuro and one of his friends commented, "Good cover. Here is another good cover" with a link to Panic! At The Disco's Bohemian Rhapsody cover. I admit I was excited reading that comment. It turned out that Dika's friend also listened to Panic! At The Disco. Yeay! So, finally Dika is convinced to open the video.
After he opened the video, Dika is amused/annoyed/bothered by the comment section. Hahaha... I will talk about it in my next "Talking about Fandom" post.
Minggu, 27 Maret 2016
Song Cover Overload
This is a quick post. I just want to write something but my mind doesn't focus well right now.
My friend Dika shared a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody on facebook then his friend and I commented. They ended up sharing a lot of covers and I ended up watching all of those.
I'll write again after my mind can focus better.
My friend Dika shared a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody on facebook then his friend and I commented. They ended up sharing a lot of covers and I ended up watching all of those.
I'll write again after my mind can focus better.
Kamis, 24 Maret 2016
Talking about Fandom: Definition
Out of nowhere, I want to talk about fandom.
According to Wikipedia, fandom is a term used to refer to a subculture composed of fans characterized by a feeling of empathy and camaraderie with others who share a common interest. Note the keywords: fan, empathy, camaraderie, and common interest.
We all know what fan means. Oxford dictionary defines fan as a person who has a strong interest in or admiration for a particular person or thing. I myself am a fan of Harry Potter, My Chemical Romance, etc. More on this later.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It's different from sympathy. Sympathy means feeling of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. However, I was a bit confused with the second definition of sympathy. It is said that sympathy means understanding between people; common feeling. I then remember a lecturer said, "With your patient, you have to show empathy but you aren't allowed to show sympathy. You should understand their feeling but you can't, for example, hug them or cry with them."
In fandom, we can still find different opinions but, with that definition from Wikipedia, a fan is supposed to understand the feeling of other fans.
Camaraderie means mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together. I'm surprised. I myself understand that we can find friends in fandom but I'm not sure with mutual trust. Is it just me?
I feel the camaraderie with my close friends. However, in the topic of fandom, camaraderie is strong with Lady Slytherin. We both like Harry Potter and discuss about it almost everyday.
Common interest is common interest. I don't even need to explain it, do I?
To be continued ...
According to Wikipedia, fandom is a term used to refer to a subculture composed of fans characterized by a feeling of empathy and camaraderie with others who share a common interest. Note the keywords: fan, empathy, camaraderie, and common interest.
We all know what fan means. Oxford dictionary defines fan as a person who has a strong interest in or admiration for a particular person or thing. I myself am a fan of Harry Potter, My Chemical Romance, etc. More on this later.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It's different from sympathy. Sympathy means feeling of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. However, I was a bit confused with the second definition of sympathy. It is said that sympathy means understanding between people; common feeling. I then remember a lecturer said, "With your patient, you have to show empathy but you aren't allowed to show sympathy. You should understand their feeling but you can't, for example, hug them or cry with them."
In fandom, we can still find different opinions but, with that definition from Wikipedia, a fan is supposed to understand the feeling of other fans.
Camaraderie means mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together. I'm surprised. I myself understand that we can find friends in fandom but I'm not sure with mutual trust. Is it just me?
I feel the camaraderie with my close friends. However, in the topic of fandom, camaraderie is strong with Lady Slytherin. We both like Harry Potter and discuss about it almost everyday.
Common interest is common interest. I don't even need to explain it, do I?
To be continued ...
The Day after My Thesis Exam
On Thursday, March 17, I had thesis exam again with my other two examiners. It went fine.
After the exam, I accompanied Miss Perfume to wait for her scientific journal editor, her counsellor. We then had a nice conversation with our senior student.
That afternoon, Miss Perfume, Elsa, and I went to karaoke. Miss Perfume chose some Indian songs and when she sang, Elsa and I commented on the videos (the videos are from movie scenes). She also chose "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys and three of us had this "lovely boyband moment" (is that even real?).
Elsa sang some anime soundtracks and Japanese songs which Miss Perfume and I didn't know so we just watched her "perform." She really looked like she was performing on stage while singing in karaoke. Whoa, that girl.
My choice of songs include "Nine in the Afternoon" by Panic! At The Disco, "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance, "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark" by Fall Out Boy, "Love is on the Radio" by McFly, and "Di Sayidan" by Shaggy Dog.
I found out that "Nine in the Afternoon" sounded hollow without Brendon Urie's voice. Hahaha... I just couldn't replace his voice (of course!). The song was happy and it was one of the few songs I dared to play before my thesis exam.
"Famous Last Words" was great. I felt relieved to sing,
shout, and scream during that song. It was like my mental "burden" during
the process of thesis making was lifted when I sang it. The song allowed me to feel angry, frustrated, and sad, but
powerful at the same time. Strange, isn't it? Plus, I had microphone to sing,
so the effect was better.
"My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark" was another
memory. There was a time during the process of thesis writing when I had this
big problem (I can’t talk about it, sorry) and I listened to this song over and over
again to make myself feel better. It turned out that some parts of that song were a bit too fast for me to sing. I will practice!
To reduce "tension", I sang "Love is on the Radio" by McFly. Elsa and Miss Perfume laughed at the line, "We'll have a son and we'll give him a sister." That line was cute but strange when I sang it, hahaha...
I didn't know why I chose "Di Sayidan". The last time I had listened to it was in high school. I just thought that song was catchy and would be nice to sing and listen to with my friends.
Later that night, I was happy and content. I still had to change some part of my thesis and scientific article, though.
At this point, I've just realised that my three posts about thesis exam are more like song related posts. Maybe later I will write more scientific posts.
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