Confession of a Fanfic Reader

If you read the comment section of my Wordpress posts "Two, One, or Four" and "His Name is Brendon Urie, Dad (This Post is not a Fanfiction)", you will see that Dika teased me about fanfiction. Duh.

It's not a secret that I read fanfiction. However, I always see fanfiction as my guilty pleasure so I keep secret about what fanfics that I read and like. 

Reading fanfic makes me feel both guilty and creepy. I feel guilty because it feels like I betray my favourite authors, considering that some authors don't like fanfiction. I feel creepy when I read fanfic which characters are real people.

Also, reading fanfiction is supposed to be done alone, in my opinion. Because, you never know when someone like Dika approaches you and feel disturbed from glancing at the fanfic that you're reading. Well, I admit that I once got bored then I read fanfic in public place. It was a safe fanfic but still, I somehow felt dirty. Oh, please help me!

I remember the first fanfic that I read was a My Chemical Romance fanfic. I was 14 at that time and I didn't know fanfiction existed. I just searched for neutral article then there was a fanfic and I was curious so I opened it. Thankfully, that wasn't a disturbing fanfic so I didn't need to feel bad like Mikey Way did. He talked about fanfiction in two interviews with 2day fm and Dose.ca. Check those out if you want to know.

I was 16 or 17 when I read a disturbing fanfic for the first time. I was like, "Oh, this is nice," then suddenly, "What the heck?!" I don't even want to tell what fanfic it was about.

My struggle as a fanfic reader is to find fanfiction about friendship. I don't know why but I see so many ships while all I want to see is friendship. 

Finally, not all fanfictions are bad. I found two beautiful fanfics that made me cry. I was even tempted to share my favourite ones here, but as I have said before, they're secrets. And finding good fanfiction can be such a journey. So, enjoy your journey ;)

P.S. Check out Dika's blog in dathandika.wordpress.com. You will find a bunch of good posts, or rants (according to him). Oh, I forget to tell the obvious, you won't find a rant about fanfiction like this in his blog.

Playing Ingress

My friend Maria told me about game called Ingress. It's a game played on cellphone where the player should go and visit certain places shown in the map. By "go and visit", I mean it literally. The player has to move and walk (or ride, or drive, whatever).

I had quite a nice adventure today. I played Ingress and found some places in my city that I didn't know existed. How I couldn't know the places, that's a mystery since I've lived in Solo for more than 20 years.

I'm still in level 1 and I plan on playing it again tomorrow with my friends. It should be fun.

On Fandom and Beauty

I read the 133rd episode of webtoon comic "Family over Flower". That's the link for Indonesian version. I don't know whether the English version is available. 

In that episode, the headmaster said, "Kecantikan itu seperti pedang bermata dua. Orang yang melihatnya akan merasakan kebahagiaan tiada batas, tapi bila terlalu terjebak di dalamnya, jantung pun tidak akan tahan." In English, I translate it as, "Beauty is like double-edged sword. People who see it will feel infinite happiness, but if they're trapped inside, their hearts can't handle it."

Wait, what?

That's how I feel when I have my fangirl moment over fiction or band. I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes it seems that my heart can't handle so much feeling.

I guess fandom can also mean beauty.

I Will Miss Family, Friends, Food, etc

Let me respond to today's prompt before I actually study (duh). 

If I go to Mars and never return, I will both miss Earth and be happy to leave it. 

I will miss my family and close friends, unless they go with me to Mars. I will miss the food on Earth and I'm not sure that we can cook well on Mars. The bookstores and books will surely be missed so I think if I ever go to Mars, I will bring many books. I also think that I will miss cats so I hope the cats on Mars are just as interesting as Earth's cats. Beside, considering that I spend a lot of time in the internet, I hope as soon as I arrive at Mars, I can create super internet technology so I can see find out what happens on Earth and share what happens on Mars.

However, there are things from Earth that I will be happy to leave, annoying people for example. There are so many of them and sometimes I feel frustrated that I can't get rid of them. Those people, and crowd. I don't like crowd.

Since I don't plan on leaving the Earth soon, I guess I just have to cherish every moment on Earth and deal with the bad things.

His Name is Brendon Urie, Dad (This Post is not a Fanfiction)

I put the disclaimer in the title. Why would I mention fanfiction? Because it sounds like fanfiction title to me. 

Today I watched Brendon Urie on YouTube then my father came behind me and asked, "Who is that?" I was shocked because I was actually supposed to write my draft for scientific journal or to study for comprehensive exam, yet I watched Brendon Urie talk. I answered nervously, "His name is Brendon Urie, Dad." I thought my father would tell me that I should stop watching videos but instead he said, "He looks like your aunt's friend, but with glasses (in the video, Brendon Urie wore glasses). I just wondered why my daughter looked at her aunt's friend in the internet. Really, they look so similar." My response was like, "Huh?" And my father continued his story, "That friend of your aunt wanted to marry her but your aunt rejected him." I just said, "Whoa, really?"

So, today I found out that my aunt almost married a pseudo Brendon Urie. I also learned that I should be more careful when searching, reading, or watching random things in the internet or my parents would find out (naughty kid mode: on). Well, Brendon Urie video is not so random compared to other things I sometimes find in the internet, both intentionally or accidentally.

Now it's time to do what I'm supposed to do: studying, in Saturday night, with no snack to accompany me. How sad, but Brendon Urie says, "Smile even though you're sad."

Two, One, or Four

A lively group discussion, an intimate tête-à-tête, an inner monologue - in your view, when it comes to a good conversation, what's the ideal number of people?

I would say, two, one, or four.

I have some close friends but best conversations with them happen when there are only two people. We can share our unique -and sometimes crazy- thought. Beside, I have the chance to know my friend better. I also have specific topics that I can only speak to certain people.

One person conversation is something I often do myself. Usually when no one is around, I make a dialogue in my mind and sometimes I speak it. I even talk to myself in youtuber style, sometimes Dan, sometimes Carrie, but never Phil. I don't know why but in my opinion, it's difficult to speak in Phil Lester's style. 

When I say four, it means that four is the maximum number of people needed for good conversation. So, three or four is okay for me, especially if the four people involved are Lady Slytherin, Elsa, Miss Perfume, and me. Our conversation often goes like this

Elsa: "You must know something."
Miss Perfume and me: "What?"
Lady Slytherin: (acting cool)
Elsa: "Yesterday (a friend's name) told me that (someone's name) did this and that. Can you imagine that? That's crazy etc etc."
Then the discussion begins.

There were also times when we think that Elsa's news is plain and the conversation goes like this
Elsa: "Hey, I have a story."
Miss Perfume and me: "What?"
Lady Slytherin: (acting cool)
Elsa: "Yesterday (a friend's name) told me that (someone's name) did this and that. ..."
Lady Slytherin: "Just that? You're annoying. I have better story."

Sometime Miss Perfume and I start the conversation but I will keep that for other posts.

As for more than four people conversation, I can handle that just fine but that's not an ideal conversation for me. 

This is Awkward

The latest daily post is entitled "Pat on the Back". It says, "Tell someone you are proud of just how proud you are." What a prompt!

In real life I'm a reserved and concealed person. That makes this prompt difficult because it's not something I usually say to someone I know in real life. 

This post may be cheesy, cliché, or cringeworthy but I have to write anyway. I write it for my friend who is currently struggling with things I'd rather not say.

Hey you, who struggles with so many things

I haven't told you this but let me tell you in this post. I'm proud of you. You just don't realise how great it feels to talk to you. You're smart and willing to learn anything. You're brave to admit your feeling and speak your mind without being a jerk, even when your idea is not the popular one.

Really, you also should be proud of yourself.

Sincerely,
Your fellow fighter

How I wish I could tell my friend about this without feeling awkward.