Not a Proper Critique

Today's daily prompt says, "Write about the subject you usually blog about as if you were a music critic."

I have problem with that prompt since I don't have specific subject I usually blog about. I don't read a lot of music critique and I don't "understand" music either. Let me try anyway.

In my opinion, good music should not only make the listeners admire it but also affect their feeling. Good music should make connection with the listeners. That opinion can also explain why I listen My Chemical Romance more often than I do Deep Purple (sorry, mom). Objectively, I can say that Deep Purple is amazing, both in music and lyrics; better than My Chemical Romance. However, I feel more connected to My Chemical Romance. My mother, on the other hand, likes Deep Purple because she grew up listening to classic rock and I understand that she feels more related to Deep Purple. She even listened to Deep Purple during pregnancy. Fetus me listened to Deep Purple!!  

That can also be applied to any art work: dance, painting, anything. I enjoy watching Marianela Núñez dancing as Kitri because she makes me feel the free spirit, and Polina Semionova as Odile because I can feel her seduction.

As for this blog, actually I intended to focus on medical school but as time goes by, it becomes a documentary of my thought process, my problem and how I cope with it. I still remember my first post in this blog. It was about envy. I wrote that because at that time, I compared myself to people and I envied them because I thought I achieved less than them. 

There are still so many things to improve in this blog: content, the writing in general, vocabulary, and tone. However, I can't make a proper critique for the subject of my blog since I write about various things. Also, I can always feel connected with this blog (of course!) so this blog is always good for me.

I was Fine until I Enter the Jungle

I'm not comfortable in front of people. Never. 

When I was at school, public speaking was not a big problem. I could present a subject or tell a story in front of class quite easily. I even joined speech or story telling contests.  

Since I become medical student, my self confidence decreases. Public speaking is scary now. I don't know why. Perhaps because being medical student, I'm taught to do everything correctly and properly so I'm afraid of making mistake. Thus, I become more self conscious.

What actually causes stage fright? I watch TED-Ed video that explains it. The video says that we humans perceive public speaking as a threat for our reputation. That perception is a reaction from fight-or-flight response. Fight-or-flight response is a primitive reaction that occurs in dangerous situation so you can decide whether to flight and save your life or fight to death. In short, it's just a public speaking, but our primitive mind consider it life-threatening.

I guess my brain perceives medical school as a jungle with beasts and monsters in it. Thanks medical school, you succesfully activate my primitive mind, a little bit too much. Now teach me to be the strongest beast.

Three Narrators (or Four in the Future)

Today's daily prompt is, "Your blog is about to be recorded into audiobook. If you could choose anyone - from your grandma to Samuel L. Jackson - to narrate your posts, who would it be?"

Never in my life have I considered my blog becoming audiobook. If we talk about speaking voice, I like Lisa Eldridge. Her voice is calming and I always enjoy listening to her talking while applying makeup. However, I think Lisa Eldridge voice doesn't match my blog content so I choose Dan Howell, Phil Lester, and Carrie Hope Fletcher. 

I choose them because my blog posts are mostly written in English. Dan, Phil, and Carrie are my role model in speaking English. I admit that I sometimes copy their way of speech when I talk in English discussion forum. I guess Carrie can narrate any Harry Potter, Disney, book, and music related posts. Phil will narrate my happy posts while Dan my "trying to be cool and sarcastic" posts. 

And maybe one day when my blog change the style (who knows?) to ladylike and classy blog, I can have Lisa Eldridge narrate it.

Just Look at All That Pain

Recently, I go back to my teenaged-MCR-fangirl mode. I binge watch their videos on YouTube: music videos, the making of the music videos, live performance, and interviews. I feel various emotion hit me, in a good way.

I didn't even know how it started. Oh, maybe I know. Let me remember.

I have been feeling down and when I feel down, I usually project my feeling to a kind of escape. About few weeks ago, I watched Dan and Phil a lot then I remembered Muse. I watched Muse then I remembered my teenaged self. After that I watched My Chemical Romance. Until now.

I started by remembering my two friends who were also drummers years ago. When talking about "Welcome to the Black Parade", one said that the drum playing was crazy, the other one said, "It's played by two drummers. It's impossible for one drummer to play it." Despite listening to music a lot, my ears are never sensitive. Few days ago, I found the drum cover of Welcome to the Black Parade by COOP3RDRUMM3R and the drummer in that video "doubled himself" so yes, the song needs more than one drummer. 

I listened to many of their songs then I remembered the song "Disenchanted". When I think of My Chemical Romance, "Disenchanted" doesn't usually come to my mind but this time it does. After I listened to it again, I felt something strange. I felt sad, longing for something that I have lost, but at the same time, I accepted the losing.

Then I listened to their post-breakup songs. I like Gerard Way's "Brother", Frank Iero's "B.F.F.", and Ray Toro's "Isn't That Something". Listening to "Brother" after "Disenchanted" may not be a good idea because that "strange feeling" was doubled. Frank Iero's "B.F.F." is cute because he performs it with his twin daughters. "Isn't That Something" by Ray Toro is simply amazing. 

I watched the making of Helena video and I was like, "How can I just realise that Frank Iero was adorable?" In that video making process, Ray was like a dad keeping Frank from doing silly thing.

There was also this one interview with Frank Iero and Ray Toro that warmed my heart. A fan asked, "How does it feel when someone tells you that your band saved their life?" Frank said, "I'm happy that we inspired them but they need to give themselves more credit." And Ray added, "We might give them a little push with the song but it's definitely them finding the strength within themselves." 

I guess it's great to know how a band can inspire their fans even after the breakup. They also made their own eulogy, a song entitled "Fake Your Death". The song is honest and quite "raw", with video that contains so many "feels". Just look at all that pain.

"My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die," Gerard Way said in his "letter", which he closed with, "Because it is not a band- it is an idea." Yes, it is an idea that has inspired my teenaged self. I guess it was an idea that she wanted to keep and I'm thankful for that. Hi my teenaged self, I'm not okay but I am not afraid to keep on living. 

P.S. I've just found out that today's daily prompt is about song. What a coincidence!

What Makes Them Gryffindor?

Among all Hogwarts houses, Gryffindor is the most exposed through Harry Potter series because Harry Potter was a Gryffindor and his life was surrounded by Gryffindors.

Gryffindor's most well known trait is bravery and Gryffindors, in my opinion, are brave to do what they think is right. And for that "right thing", they're willing to sacrifice what's important for them, sometimes to the point of doing reckless or stupid things.

I know almost too many Gryffindors that I sometimes forget they're from the same house. There are trouble-making Fred and George Weasley, smart Hermione, ambitious Percy Weasley, clumsy Neville, and flirty Lavender Brown. We also see the infamous Peter Pettigrew. The question is, "Are they brave enough to be Gryffindor?" 

Look at Percy Weasley. He's smart enough to be Ravenclaw and ambitious enough to be Slytherin. Still, he was a Gryffindor. He was a Gryffindor who left his family and chose to work for the Ministry of Magic. How can a Gryffindor do such thing? I think Percy actually considered family important. Remember, even after he left his family, he congratulated Ron when Ron was chosen as prefect. Percy, at that moment, thought that Ministry of Magic was right and his family was wrong. Simple as that. He had the nerve to go after what he thought was right. He believed in Ministry of Magic, then he work there and left his family. After a while, he realised that his family was right then he came back to his family.

Hermione stated in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix that the Sorting Hat had considered placing her in Ravenclaw but she chose Gryffindor because, as she said herself in her first year, "Books! And cleverness! There are more important things - friendship and bravery and - oh Harry - be careful!" She valued bravery more than cleverness. Also let's just remember how many times Hermione was involved in breaking the rules for the sake of "everyone's safety".

Neville Longbottom was sorted into Gryffindor for his bravery although he didn't realise it at first. I found a post that may have been reposted many times so I couldn't find the original resource. The post was written, "I had a thought: Neville's greatest fear was Snape. And for ten months of every year for seven years, he went back and faced that fear over and over and over again. It would be like tossing Ron into a nest of spiders every day. Or pitching Harry against a Dementor every day. Neville went back to Potions every time, never skipped out, never ran away. Kid was braver than anyone ever noticed from the very beginning, even before he started standing up for himself." That post explains how bravery doesn't simply mean not being afraid but it's more about how someone deals with fear. Neville, in this case, faced his fear.

What about Peter Pettigrew? I guess the Sorting Hat thought this way, "Peter wasn't loyal enough to be Hufflepuff. He wasn't smart enough to be Ravenclaw, neither ambitious enough to be Slytherin. So let's sort him into Gryffindor, muahahaha!!!" Ignore that "muahahaha". Or maybe Peter was sorted into Gryffindor because he chose it, since he wasn't brave enough to be Gryffindor. 

At the end, we can learn from Gryffindor that the act of bravery takes many different ways. Except from Peter Pettigrew. Really, I still don't understand how he was sorted into Gryffindor.

P.S. I feel satisfied that I can finish writing this post. Really, I didn't expect that writing about Gryffindor would be difficult. It was even easier to write the Slytherin post. I don't even know why.

Learning from Slytherin

I had a random conversation with Lady Slytherin. She's a self proclaimed Slytherin who was sorted into Gryffindor in Pottermore. 

Apparently, Lady Slytherin didn't accept that. She never accepts it. Then she tried a YouTube quiz "Which Hogwarts House Are You in?" and was sorted into Gryffindor. She said, "I'm not evil enough." After that, I showed her a BuzzFeed quiz "These Five Questions Will Tell You What Percent Slytherin You Are". And her result? She's 100% Slytherin.

This is a problem that bothers us. Many quizzes about Hogwarts house still consider Slytherin as evil. Lady Slytherin and I see Slytherin as a house with people who have "unique" priority and do their best to keep that priority safe.

Let's take a look. Harry, Order of the Phoenix, and Dumbledore Army's priority is to defeat Voldemort and the Death Eaters so people can live in peace. For that reason, they practice their magic and make strategies to defeat the dark wizards.

However, Slytherins have various priorities. For the Malfoys, their family matters. All that they do is to keep Malfoy family and lineage safe. Lucius stated that he had been under Imperius curse during the first Wizarding War (the one before Harry was born) then he wasn't prisoned in Azkaban. Thus, Malfoy family was still safe, rich, and powerful. After Voldemort was back, Lucius declared his loyalty again. He did it because he knew what Voldemort was capable of and he didn't want to risk his family.

For Snape, Lily was important. All of his act as double agent was motivated by his feeling for Lily. His motivation might not so "pure" as the other members of Order of the Phoenix. He still hated Harry at some point because Harry was James Potter's son. However, as Harry himself said, Snape was the bravest man he ever knew. 

And finally, let me talk about our infamous Slytherin, Tom Riddle aka. Voldemort. What did Voldemort consider important? Power and immortality. For those things, he was willing to read old books and travel the world. For those things, he was willing to live through the pain of splitting soul. And also for those things, he was willing to act polite and courteous to people (remember Helena Ravenclaw and Hepzibah Smith?).

Now I'm not saying that Slytherins are right. I'm saying that there's nothing wrong with being Slytherin as long as you understand what truly matters to you.

Things to Remember When You're Sexually Assaulted

I haven't posted for a long time and I haven't finished my undergraduate thesis. In this post, I won't talk about my thesis. I want to talk about another important issue: sexual assault.

I have been sexually assault twice. Those weren't rape but unwanted sexual touching. Sure I wasn't raped but I can still feel the mental trauma. And if you experience sexual assault, these are things to remember.

1. It's not your clothes' fault
Some people say that sexual assault is also the victim's fault for wearing revealing clothes. Really? The last time I got sexually assaulted, I wore trousers, long sleeved shirt, and a jacket zipped up to my neck. Now should I blame my jacket? To make it fair, if we tell girls and women to dress modestly, we must also remember to tell boys and men to respect girls and women.

2. You can't blame yourself for not knowing how to react
When someone is sexually assaulted, they're shocked. Worse, they may not react properly. I used to blame myself for that. I thought, "Why didn't I scream? Why didn't I just hit and run?" However, the truth is, sometimes we just can't react.

3. It's not your fault
Sexual assault is a crime, just like robbery. When there is robbery, can we blame the victim because they have a valuable things so they're robbed? No. It goes the same with sexual assault. We can't blame the victim.

4. Don't be afraid to tell someone 
I know some victims feel ashamed to tell about their experience. I tell you something, it's not you who should feel ashamed. It's the person who assault that should feel ashamed because they do such crime. Also, remember that if you don't tell someone, there may be more victims in the future.

Are there more things that should be remembered by sexual assault victims?