The Moon and Two Songs

The prompt is moon and I instantly think about a part in Northern Downpour lyrics, "Hey moon, please forget to fall down," and that part in When the Day Met the Night, "When the moon fell in love with the sun, all was golden in the sky. All was golden when the day met the night."

Also, the moon looks beautiful tonight seen from my place.

Songs That Sounds Like Fiction

Yesterday's prompt is "stairway" and my mind instantly remember the song Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.  I mention that song several times in this blog, by the way. 

Stairway to Heaven is one of those songs which lyrics sound like fiction. The story features a lady who is buying a stairway to heaven. My favourite is the live version in Madison Square Garden, New York city, 1973. Not only that we can listen to longer solo guitar by Jimmy Page, we can also watch Robert Plant's gesture. Robert Plant did look like telling a story in that live version.

Another fiction-like song is Hotel California by Eagles. It tells a story about a hotel on a dark desert highway but it later turns out that the hotel is only programmed to receive. I looked for the live version and I found this video. I was surprised to see that the singer also played drum. That was rare for me. On a side note, my favourite part of that song lyrics is "This could be heaven or this could be hell." That describes my life choice.

I also like Temple of the King by Rainbow. For some unknown reasons, everytime I listen to that song, I remember Kung Fu Panda. The strong young man in that song is Po and the temple of the king is Jade Palace. Really, I'm stuck with that messed up interpretation. I'm sorry, Ritchie Blackmore. I usually listen to this version but when I searched for the live version, I found this.

And finally, another song that sounds like fiction - which I happen to mention a lot in this blog - is Build God then We'll Talk by Panic! At The Disco. The song sets in a substandard motel and the characters are an attorney, his Mrs., and a virgin. The attorney cheated with the virgin but his Mrs. chose to stay with him: wonderful caricature of intimacy. How did Ryan Ross get the idea for the lyrics? My favourite version of that song is from Live in Denver because we can listen to Brendon Urie's vocal, watch his expression and gesture (he really told a story), and listen to Ryan Ross' damn-fine part.

Oh, by the way, I think it would be nice if someone write fiction based on any song lyrics in this post. Write about that lady with stairway to heaven. What will happen to her and the stairway? Will she take someone or some people to walk on the stairway with her? Write about that person in Hotel California. What will happen to him? Will he try to escape or accept his fate? Write about that strong young man. Will the king give him task or something? Write about the people in that motel. What will happen to the virgin after she begins to work at the firm? What does the Mrs. keep in her purse? Will the lawyer leave his Mrs or stay with her?

Hyperventilating Fangirl

I like Panic! At The Disco but I don't know all of their songs. Today was the first time I heard the song "She Had the World" and I loved it. The song was beautiful and I got teary eyes from the emotion. After that, I heard the part where Ryan sang and I made hyperventilating noise.

I didn't really have difficulty in breathing when listening to Ryan Ross. It was just kind of habit. I don't always like his voice but when his voice is damn fine (in my opinion), I make hyperventilating noise. I haven't found out why. I know that some psychological condition like panic attack can cause real hyperventilation but I didn't experience panic attack. I experience Panic! At The Disco attack. Are they the same thing? I don't think so.

Idea for next research or whatever: cause of hyperventilation among fangirl. Anyone involved in fandom and interested in pulmonology and neuropsychiatry? Here I've given you idea.

Green Things in My Fandoms

The prompt is "green" so I'm just going to brainstrom some green things in fandom.

Green is the colour of Slytherin. It's the house of those cunning folks who use any means to achieve their ends.

Harry Potter has green eyes. It is said that Harry has his mother's eyes. Rowling said if they were casting Lily, there needed to be a resemblance (in the eyes) but they don't absolutely have to be green.

The killing curse Avada Kedavra produces green light. On a side note, when writing this, I suddenly want to do flame test experiment and create green flame. I will ask my mother later. She's a chemistry teacher by the way.

House Tyrell has golden rose on green field as their sigil. They rule the Reach, the most fertile region and thus, the greenest part of Westeros.

There is a song by Panic! At The Disco called That Green Gentleman. I like the lyrics, "Things have changed for me and that's okay, I feel the same, I'm on my way." What I don't understand is the title. Why is the gentleman green? Why is the song given that title? Who wrote the lyrics and who gave the title? What did he think when he pick the title? Then I realise that the only sensible answer is, "Because it's a song by Panic! At The Disco."

I realise that I can't find any green thing related to My Chemical Romance. Well, Gerard Way hasn't dyed his hair green, has he?

Mom, This is Panic! At The Disco (This Post is not a Fanfiction)

Last Sunday, I told my mom about that song cover overload with Dika. I said, "Dika liked Bohemian Rhapsody but he didn't want to open its version by Panic! At The Disco because he knew it's my favourite. Then he shared a cover on facebook and his friend gave him link to Panic! At The Disco's version. So, he opened it." My mom laughed.

I added more stories, "I like Panic! At The Disco. Their songs are great and the so are the lyrics. Some of the lyrics sound more like short story to me. There is this song called 'Build God then We'll Talk' which is about a motel with a hint of asbestos and formaldehyde. In that motel there is a lawyer and his wife. The lawyer has an affair but his wife chose to stay with him because she needs his money. See, mom? That sounds like a story. A novel, maybe."

Don't ask me why of all the songs by P!ATD, I chose to tell my mother about that one.

On Monday, I showed P!ATD's cover of Bohemian Rhapsody to my mom. She said, "This is great. His voice. It's like the original. Wait, I'm curious about the reffrain." Then the reffrain played and my mother liked it, "Wow, the guitarist is also good." In my mind, I was like: yes, mom!

I then remembered that I had showed my mom the video of P!ATD perform "Build God then We'll Talk" live in Denver. I told my mom, "This is that band who once used circus as their theme. Now the vocalist is shirtless (yes, I said this)." She answered, "Some artists like to perform shirtless on stage. You know Kaka, the vocalist of Slank? He's almost always shirtless on stage, if I'm not mistaken."

I thought to myself, "How do you even know that, Mom?" Then I remembered that my mom was the one who passed the genes of music preference to me.

Song Cover Overload: the (Almost) Full Story

In my previous post, I talked about Dika who shared a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody. Here is the full story (whoa, it sounds important).

My friend Dika is interested in various things. Usually, when he's interested in something, he share anything related to it on facebook. 

Last Sunday he liked Bohemian Rhapsody and he shared some (correction: plenty of) covers on facebook. He told me, "There is a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody by Panic! At The Disco on my YouTube recommendation. I don't open it." I tried to convince him but he didn't want to (duh).

Then he shared an ukulele cover by Jake Shimabukuro and one of his friends commented, "Good cover. Here is another good cover" with a link to Panic! At The Disco's Bohemian Rhapsody cover. I admit I was excited reading that comment. It turned out that Dika's friend also listened to Panic! At The Disco. Yeay! So, finally Dika is convinced to open the video.

After he opened the video, Dika is amused/annoyed/bothered by the comment section. Hahaha... I will talk about it in my next "Talking about Fandom" post.

The Day after My Thesis Exam

On Thursday, March 17, I had thesis exam again with my other two examiners. It went fine. 

After the exam, I accompanied Miss Perfume to wait for her scientific journal editor, her counsellor. We then had a nice conversation with our senior student.

That afternoon, Miss Perfume, Elsa, and I went to karaoke. Miss Perfume chose some Indian songs and when she sang, Elsa and I commented on the videos (the videos are from movie scenes). She also chose "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys and three of us had this "lovely boyband moment" (is that even real?).

Elsa sang some anime soundtracks and Japanese songs which Miss Perfume and I didn't know so we just watched her "perform." She really looked like she was performing on stage while singing in karaoke. Whoa, that girl. 

My choice of songs include "Nine in the Afternoon" by Panic! At The Disco, "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance, "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark" by Fall Out Boy, "Love is on the Radio" by McFly, and "Di Sayidan" by Shaggy Dog. 

I found out that "Nine in the Afternoon" sounded hollow without Brendon Urie's voice. Hahaha... I just couldn't replace his voice (of course!). The song was happy and it was one of the few songs I dared to play before my thesis exam.

"Famous Last Words" was great. I felt relieved to sing, shout, and scream during that song. It was like my mental "burden" during the process of thesis making was lifted when I sang it. The song allowed me to feel angry, frustrated, and sad, but powerful at the same time. Strange, isn't it? Plus, I had microphone to sing, so the effect was better.

"My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark" was another memory. There was a time during the process of thesis writing when I had this big problem (I can’t talk about it, sorry) and I listened to this song over and over again to make myself feel better. It turned out that some parts of that song were a bit too fast for me to sing. I will practice!

To reduce "tension", I sang "Love is on the Radio" by McFly. Elsa and Miss Perfume laughed at the line, "We'll have a son and we'll give him a sister." That line was cute but strange when I sang it, hahaha...

I didn't know why I chose "Di Sayidan". The last time I had listened to it was in high school. I just thought that song was catchy and would be nice to sing and listen to with my friends.

Later that night, I was happy and content. I still had to change some part of my thesis and scientific article, though. 

At this point, I've just realised that my three posts about thesis exam are more like song related posts. Maybe later I will write more scientific posts.

The Day of My Thesis Exam

I realise that I've procrastinated too long to write this story. 

On March, 16th I presented my thesis in front of my examiners but there are more to recall.

In the morning, I checked my presentation slide and I thought it was inappropriate. It only consisted of 10 slides and it would have taken about 5 minutes to present. Too short. I then contacted Miss Perfume and she told me what to add. I ended up with 15 slides. Thanks, Miss Perfume.

I went by a car with my father and my cousin. My dad accompanied me to the meeting room. My cousin parked the car and went somewhere else. 

Now let me talk about the meeting room. So, every department in hospital has a meeting room. I had to present my thesis in meeting room of psychiatry department and, to be honest, I didn't really  like the place. The place was small and there were many people. 

By the time I arrived in front of the meeting room, there was a lecture so I had to wait. I was a little excited and nervous so I put my headphones and played "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin in my phone. That song never fails to calm me down.

Then Lady Slytherin came. She had some conversation with my dad and gave me some tips. After that Miss Perfume came. So, four of us waited outside the meeting room. I couldn't keep myself still so I danced to "Ready to Go" that was played in my head. Elsa came a little later after I started my presentation.

Then my exam started. I had 5 examiners but only 3 attend my presentation that day. My presentation went well. However, I couldn't answer the question about molecular biology from my first examiner. Why??!! I need to work it out, I think. I also need to pay more attention to the "rules", like word choice and font. I forgot to make some foreign words italic, duh.

Talking about word choice, my first counsellor told me to use the word "writer" instead of "we", and "study" instead of "research". He also told me to use my own words instead of rewrite someone's words. I did use my own words. Well, I admit, I rewrote at some parts. All right, I'll change that.

My second counsellor responded, "I'm sure that (my name) can write in her own words. She writes a lot in campus magazine and blog." I couldn't help but grin at his comment. My second counsellor was a friendly lecturer and he knew about this blog. I just didn't expect him to mention this blog in a thesis exam. Thankfully, he didn't share my blog address to the other two examiners.

Minutes later, my exam was over. I was relieved.

I still had to have exam with the other two examiners. I contacted them and they could examine me one day later.

In the night, I played "Mad as Rabbits" and "Behind the Sea" by Panic! At The Disco for a little celebration.

The Day Before Thesis Exam

On Wednesday, March 16th, I had thesis examination. It means that I presented my thesis in front of my counsellors and examiners. 

I stated in this blog that I didn't really like public speaking. However, the day before my exam, I felt okay. In fact, I was excited to present my thesis, which was a surprising fact considering that 1) I would talk in front of people, 2) I would be asked questions about my thesis, 3) I would present my thesis in a meeting room in the hospital, a place that never made me comfortable.

That day, I made power point presentation and read my thesis again. Yes, I know it was late. I procrastinated too much. 

Also, my dad caught me watching Brendon Urie video again. He said, "Prepare for your presentation. Stop playing around!" Why does my dad always catch me watching Brendon Urie?

Talking about Brendon Urie, I was careful to choose what songs I listened to that day. I didn't listen to "Build God, then We'll Talk" no matter how tempting it was. I didn't listen to "Northern Downpour" either because I could get strange feeling from it. I even held myself from listening to My Chemical Romance because their songs might evoke various emotion and hit me right in the "feel". 

So I decided to listen to Nine in the Afternoon, Ready to Go, and Always. All by Panic! At the Disco. Duh.

I also had a chat with Dika and he said, "Good luck. You can read fanfics first!" And strangely, I did. I read some fanfics that day. 

My state of being not nervous worried me. I started to think that I might take it too easy. I told another friend that I didn't feel nervous and I didn't really care if I couldn't answer the question. I told him that I didn't know whether it was good or bad sign. He said, "It may be a good sign but you not caring somehow sounds badass." I laughed at his response.

I slept well that night. Still not worried about my exam.

Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy (and Some Courtesy)

When I was in middle school, Sweet Raindrop (not her real name) showed me the lyrics of "Build God then We'll Talk" by Panic! At The Disco. Here is a link to the song. I give the link to their "Live in Denver" performance instead of their official music video because: 1. the official music video contains "Porno Mime" and not everyone is comfortable to watch it, 2. Ryan Ross sang some lines in that live version and his voice was damn fine. 

The first time I read the lyrics, I said, "Whoa, it's more like a story than a song." The song tells a story of substandard motels on the corner of 4th and Fremont Street with wonderful caricature of intimacy inside. I had the habit of singing the line, "Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy" when I had to meet fake friends or attend an event that made me uncomfortable. I knew those fake friends and event participants weren't so "wonderful" as the people in the song but still, I felt the need to sing that line.

As I grew up, that habit disappeared. Perhaps because I didn't have to attend "event that made me uncomfortable" so often as before. However, now that I'm in my fangirl phase over Panic! At The Disco, that habit occurs again. The only difference is that I don't sing it aloud. 

It happened a while ago when my mother told me to be courteous so I can keep myself away from trouble. That was difficult. Not that I'm a rude person. I just act aloof when someone makes me uneasy. However, my mom told me to be courteous. What?! Why? How? Then that one line from the song was played in the back of my mind.

In "A Clash of King," it is said that Septa Mordane used to tell Sansa that a lady's armor is courtesy. Sansa took that advice and she stayed alive in King's Landing. I didn't expect my mother would give me the same advice as Septa Mordane. 

I'm not a tenant in substandard motel on the corner of 4th and Fremont Street. My situation is much safer than Sansa Stark's in "A Clash of King". I don't mind some courtesy, either. I'm just not ready to be a lady with proper armor.

Death of a Bachelor

I'm addicted to the song "Death of a Bachelor" by Panic! At The Disco. After My Chemical Romance, now Panic! At The Disco. Help, I'm overwhelmed!

In an interview, Brendon Urie said that the song was inspired by his wife and how he now lived different life. Unfortunately, I can't find the link to that interview video. In I other words, "Death of a Bachelor" is about change in life.

The greatest change in my life, until now, happens after I entered medical school. It was a big decision that I made myself and I, at some points, screw it up. 

If I hadn't been a medical student, I would have been a civil engineering student. That was my second choice. I guess instead of learning how to examine meningeal signs or reading physiology book, I would discuss how to build a strong yet cost-effective bridge or draw a building structure.

Medical school gives me a lot of stories. Some stories are worth to tell, some are meant to be secret. 

I experience failure multiple times in medical school. I even came to the point where I didn't want to try anymore because I felt my trying was useless. 

I procrastinate a lot in medical school. Something that should be taboo considering we have plenty of works to do, material to study, and skill to practice.

I feel frustation many times because I don't understand some subjects. That frustration can lead to feeling of guilt since I remind myself that one day someone's life will depend on my knowledge of the subjects.

I got my first depression, too. And if someday I meet a patient with depression who is reluctant to get medical treatment, I think I will understand that patient. Because I know how it feels to be scared of telling others about your depression.

I also had to deal with mental trauma after sexual assault while, at the same time I had to study some medical stuff. It went badly. The trauma won. I couldn't study well.

However, I have some nice friends in medical school.

They are friends who remind me that happiness and health matter more than good grade. Our knowledge is important but we try to pursue it while keeping our body healthy and our mind sane. We cheer each other when trouble happens. We share gossip, news, and fantasy. We also study and practice OSCE together, in our way. 

I don't know if I would experience these kinds of failure, procrastination, frustration, depression, and friendship had I been a civil engineering student. I can't even imagine how it would have been if I hadn't entered medical school. 

My "bachelor" version died the day I became a medical student. And I don't regret it. Well, maybe sometimes.