Remember Me for Centuries

The prompt is legend and I instantly think about the song "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy. Let's just talk about that song and music video then.

The music video starts with a scene set in ancient Rome. A few seconds into the video, I had got the epic vibe then there was a lady in white gown with two lions behind her and some background done with annoying editing then I remembered that I was watching Fall Out Boy music video.

I like the lyrics to the song. It begins with "Some legends are told. Some turn to dust or to gold...." In the video we see a hooded man give stuff to each member of Fall Out Boy who are dressed in gladiator clothes. On a side note, they look so damn fine in such clothes.

There are some religious symbols in this video, I guess, like a crucified man, a lady with gown and veil surrounded by some people, and a man with mitre accompanied by three ladies. If anyone can explain that symbol, please leave me a comment. Thank you.

Next in the video, the boys fight a big man. Many people watch them including some from royalty. I adore the look of the beautiful lady who wears maroon dress with intricate pattern and pretty updo on her head (crown braid and bun).

Right when the lyrics come to "We've been here forever and here's the frozen proof. I could scream forever. We are the poisoned youth," the boys used the stuff given by the hooded man: rope, stone, and wrapping leather (?). They wrapped the stone in leather and tied it with rope. Pete then used it to attack the big man by doing hammer-throw style.

The boys win! After that the hooded man took of his hood and it is revealed that he has wings. 

The video has open ending with the boys having to face another opponent. 

If you have watched the video and you think I miss some details please tell me. Also, is the right phrase in this song "frozen proof", "chosen fruit", or "frozen fruit"?

This Ride is a Wild One

I like the song "Missing You" by All Time Low. It's about mental health. The lyrics address some issues relating to it.

The first words are, "I heard that you've been self-medicating in the quiet of your room, your sweet suburban tomb." This is the first time I find a song that talks about self medication. Attention everyone, this is important: psychotherapy is not a joke. The medicine for patients with psychiatry condition is not like paracetamol that you can just buy without prescription and you'll be okay. If you want psychiatric medication, see a psychiatrist.

I like the lines, 

"You've come this far,

you're all cleaned up,

you made a mess again,

there's no more trying,

time to sort yourself out..."

Those lines talk about recovery and relapse. For those who experience this, I believe you can go through this, even when it seems impossible.

I'm also impressed with the line, "Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one." That line describes the journey with mental health: it's not always easy, it's wild, but as always, we can pass it.

And come the lines with strange power,

"Grit your teeth, and pull your hair,

paint the walls black, and scream, 'Fuck the world,

'cause it's my life, I'm gonna take it back,'

and never for a second blame yourself."

I really like the part, ".... it's my life, I'm gonna take it back," because damn, it reminds me that no matter the circumstance, I have the power to take my life back and have control over it.

There are still some parts of the lyrics that I haven't mentioned in this post. Another post, maybe? 

I guess someday if I have to explain about mental health, I would also recommend this song because why not, this song is well written and it talks about important issue.

Train of Thought: from Irn-Bru to Orange Lipstick

Yesterday, I read a blog post by Joel Sorin entitled "Sail". That post mentioned Irn-Bru which, after I searched in the internet, is actually a Scottish soft drink. Then I remember something else: dandelion and burdock. How can people come up with good idea to name beverage? 

I first heard "dandelion and burdock" from the song "Suck It and See" by Arctic Monkeys. You can watch the official music video, or if you think that video is too sexy then you can watch Alex Turner perform the song in acoustic version, which is also sexy for some people. 

The song also has amazing lyrics. I like the lines, "That's not a skirt girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun. And I can only hope you've got it aimed at me." Usually I don't like lyrics with such "dangerous vibe" but those words are well-arranged and unexpected. I just can't hate it. 

Anyway, suck it and see means to try something you have not done before. When was the last time you tried something new? Was it a great deal that you had to pluck up courage? Or was it something simple that you did on impulse?

Asking that question, I then remember myself that I haven't done anything new recently. Well, I did try to wear matte orange lipstick last Saturday if that counts. 

I guess I'll try to do something new again this Saturday. But what?

Run Away Like It was Yesterday

Some songs can put into certain mood or make you imagine things. This time I want to talk about the song Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance. 

That song cheers me up. However it does more than just cheering up. Everytime I listen to that song, I imagine my girl friend and I run while laughing after doing silly thing. We dash to avoid people shouting at us. 

Beside, that song is indeed about run away. As Gerard Way said before performing that song in Hurricane festival 2011, "There's nothing wrong with running and never looking back." I have mixed feeling about what Gerard Way said. The idea of running away sounds good but doesn't sound right to me. No matter how bad my situation is, I don't think it's so bad that I need to run away. I'm not that easy to leave something, either. I don't even leave an abandoned group chat, duh.

Then I think maybe that "Bulletproof Heart" song is not for me. That song is for people who feel trapped in bad place or bad condition. That song is for people who are stuck with bad people. It's for those who fight their own demons, or with their dark past. For those kind of people, running away is necessary. It even takes certain kind or courage for them to run away from their situation and save themselves.

Maybe someday that song will mean more than two girls running away after doing silly things. Who knows?

The Moon and Two Songs

The prompt is moon and I instantly think about a part in Northern Downpour lyrics, "Hey moon, please forget to fall down," and that part in When the Day Met the Night, "When the moon fell in love with the sun, all was golden in the sky. All was golden when the day met the night."

Also, the moon looks beautiful tonight seen from my place.

Whom Will You Listen to Music with?

A while ago, a friend of mine shared in facebook about his Spotify Game of Thrones character. It is to find out which Game of Thrones character you will listen to music with. If you're curious, you can try it here.

I tried that and my Game of Thrones match is Joffrey Baratheon. It was because my Spotify playlist was 65% emo. I laughed when I saw the result. After getting the result, I could see "The Honoured Playlist of King Joffrey Baratheon" and I found "Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance. Great.

I actually hoped I shared music taste with the characters I admire, like Tyrion Lannister, Olenna Tyrell, or Podrick Payne. However, considering that Joffrey listened to My Chemical Romance, I don't mind listening to music with him as long as he doesn't harm me or my family. Oh well, he won't because 1) he's fictional, 2) he has joined the black parade (but not as the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned).

Now let's play the G note.

Don't Need to Fear a Hand for Help

A while ago, I discovered a song "Where I Belong" by Ryan Ross. You can listen to it in soundcloud. I also find fan-made lyrics video in YouTube (turn on the subtitle).

If you read the YouTube comments, you will see that many of them talk about the line, "I know I should've never left." They think that perhaps he regrets leaving Panic! At The Disco and they get "feels" from that line. I admit, at first I also got "feels" from it.

However, as I listen to the song over, I got hit by the lines "Don't need to fear a hand for help." Damn it, Ryan Ross.

That one line reminds me of myself. Many times I find myself in big problem and I don't ask for help. I usually think, "It's not a big deal. I'm fine. I can solve it." When I finally can't solve it, and the problem reaches crisis, that's when I ask for help. Often I get asked, "Why didn't you just tell me earlier?" Difficult question. I can't answer that. I really don't have valid reason about why I don't ask for help earlier. Maybe it's because I'm emotionally reserved, or I'm secretly afraid of something wrong that might happen if I ask for help. Maybe I just can't trust people easily. 

Well, I guess I need to gather courage to ask for help with some unsolved problems because, as Ryan Ross said, "This war ain't gonna fix itself." 

Songs That Sounds Like Fiction

Yesterday's prompt is "stairway" and my mind instantly remember the song Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.  I mention that song several times in this blog, by the way. 

Stairway to Heaven is one of those songs which lyrics sound like fiction. The story features a lady who is buying a stairway to heaven. My favourite is the live version in Madison Square Garden, New York city, 1973. Not only that we can listen to longer solo guitar by Jimmy Page, we can also watch Robert Plant's gesture. Robert Plant did look like telling a story in that live version.

Another fiction-like song is Hotel California by Eagles. It tells a story about a hotel on a dark desert highway but it later turns out that the hotel is only programmed to receive. I looked for the live version and I found this video. I was surprised to see that the singer also played drum. That was rare for me. On a side note, my favourite part of that song lyrics is "This could be heaven or this could be hell." That describes my life choice.

I also like Temple of the King by Rainbow. For some unknown reasons, everytime I listen to that song, I remember Kung Fu Panda. The strong young man in that song is Po and the temple of the king is Jade Palace. Really, I'm stuck with that messed up interpretation. I'm sorry, Ritchie Blackmore. I usually listen to this version but when I searched for the live version, I found this.

And finally, another song that sounds like fiction - which I happen to mention a lot in this blog - is Build God then We'll Talk by Panic! At The Disco. The song sets in a substandard motel and the characters are an attorney, his Mrs., and a virgin. The attorney cheated with the virgin but his Mrs. chose to stay with him: wonderful caricature of intimacy. How did Ryan Ross get the idea for the lyrics? My favourite version of that song is from Live in Denver because we can listen to Brendon Urie's vocal, watch his expression and gesture (he really told a story), and listen to Ryan Ross' damn-fine part.

Oh, by the way, I think it would be nice if someone write fiction based on any song lyrics in this post. Write about that lady with stairway to heaven. What will happen to her and the stairway? Will she take someone or some people to walk on the stairway with her? Write about that person in Hotel California. What will happen to him? Will he try to escape or accept his fate? Write about that strong young man. Will the king give him task or something? Write about the people in that motel. What will happen to the virgin after she begins to work at the firm? What does the Mrs. keep in her purse? Will the lawyer leave his Mrs or stay with her?

Hyperventilating Fangirl

I like Panic! At The Disco but I don't know all of their songs. Today was the first time I heard the song "She Had the World" and I loved it. The song was beautiful and I got teary eyes from the emotion. After that, I heard the part where Ryan sang and I made hyperventilating noise.

I didn't really have difficulty in breathing when listening to Ryan Ross. It was just kind of habit. I don't always like his voice but when his voice is damn fine (in my opinion), I make hyperventilating noise. I haven't found out why. I know that some psychological condition like panic attack can cause real hyperventilation but I didn't experience panic attack. I experience Panic! At The Disco attack. Are they the same thing? I don't think so.

Idea for next research or whatever: cause of hyperventilation among fangirl. Anyone involved in fandom and interested in pulmonology and neuropsychiatry? Here I've given you idea.

Z Berg's Personal Narrative

A few days ago I opened Ryan Ross' facebook page and scrolled a bit too far through it. Don't ask me why I did that.

I found a post from 2014 about Z Berg's EP. In the last paragraph, he said, "If I had to offer one piece of advice: Write a song that moves people, and write it from within yourself. Your personal narrative is more engaging and moving than anything else you can imagine in your mind. Z writes real, personal songs, and that's why they're as powerful as they are."

I listened from soundcloud and my first impression was, I felt comfortable to listen to the songs, even before I understood the lyrics.

I like the song Charades. On a side note, when I read the word "charades" I felt familiar then I realised that my family car is Daihatsu Charade. Fine, then.

I searched for the lyrics and found them on Z Berg's bandcamp. That moment, I understood what Ryan Ross meant with "real, personal songs." The lyrics are honest but not brutal. They're beautiful, delicate even. 

The lyrics for "Killing Time" song touched me. It talks about dysfunctional relationship (I guess) and instead of expressing direct anger or sadness, this song expresses a kind of frustration. It's the feeling when your common sense tells you something is wrong but you convince yourself that it's all right. What kind of feeling is that? This time, I still call that frustation, and it doesn't only happen in relationship.

In some ways, I find the song "I Fall for the Same Face" funny. It reminds me of that time when I was a teenager and I was always attracted to guys who, have almost similar features. Even my friends could see which guy I would be interested in because it was quite predictable.

And that was how I found comfort in listening to a songwriter's - as Ryan Ross said - personal narrative.

Song Cover Overload

This is a quick post. I just want to write something but my mind doesn't focus well right now.

My friend Dika shared a cover of Bohemian Rhapsody on facebook then his friend and I commented. They ended up sharing a lot of covers and I ended up watching all of those.

I'll write again after my mind can focus better. 

Death of a Bachelor

I'm addicted to the song "Death of a Bachelor" by Panic! At The Disco. After My Chemical Romance, now Panic! At The Disco. Help, I'm overwhelmed!

In an interview, Brendon Urie said that the song was inspired by his wife and how he now lived different life. Unfortunately, I can't find the link to that interview video. In I other words, "Death of a Bachelor" is about change in life.

The greatest change in my life, until now, happens after I entered medical school. It was a big decision that I made myself and I, at some points, screw it up. 

If I hadn't been a medical student, I would have been a civil engineering student. That was my second choice. I guess instead of learning how to examine meningeal signs or reading physiology book, I would discuss how to build a strong yet cost-effective bridge or draw a building structure.

Medical school gives me a lot of stories. Some stories are worth to tell, some are meant to be secret. 

I experience failure multiple times in medical school. I even came to the point where I didn't want to try anymore because I felt my trying was useless. 

I procrastinate a lot in medical school. Something that should be taboo considering we have plenty of works to do, material to study, and skill to practice.

I feel frustation many times because I don't understand some subjects. That frustration can lead to feeling of guilt since I remind myself that one day someone's life will depend on my knowledge of the subjects.

I got my first depression, too. And if someday I meet a patient with depression who is reluctant to get medical treatment, I think I will understand that patient. Because I know how it feels to be scared of telling others about your depression.

I also had to deal with mental trauma after sexual assault while, at the same time I had to study some medical stuff. It went badly. The trauma won. I couldn't study well.

However, I have some nice friends in medical school.

They are friends who remind me that happiness and health matter more than good grade. Our knowledge is important but we try to pursue it while keeping our body healthy and our mind sane. We cheer each other when trouble happens. We share gossip, news, and fantasy. We also study and practice OSCE together, in our way. 

I don't know if I would experience these kinds of failure, procrastination, frustration, depression, and friendship had I been a civil engineering student. I can't even imagine how it would have been if I hadn't entered medical school. 

My "bachelor" version died the day I became a medical student. And I don't regret it. Well, maybe sometimes.

Just Look at All That Pain

Recently, I go back to my teenaged-MCR-fangirl mode. I binge watch their videos on YouTube: music videos, the making of the music videos, live performance, and interviews. I feel various emotion hit me, in a good way.

I didn't even know how it started. Oh, maybe I know. Let me remember.

I have been feeling down and when I feel down, I usually project my feeling to a kind of escape. About few weeks ago, I watched Dan and Phil a lot then I remembered Muse. I watched Muse then I remembered my teenaged self. After that I watched My Chemical Romance. Until now.

I started by remembering my two friends who were also drummers years ago. When talking about "Welcome to the Black Parade", one said that the drum playing was crazy, the other one said, "It's played by two drummers. It's impossible for one drummer to play it." Despite listening to music a lot, my ears are never sensitive. Few days ago, I found the drum cover of Welcome to the Black Parade by COOP3RDRUMM3R and the drummer in that video "doubled himself" so yes, the song needs more than one drummer. 

I listened to many of their songs then I remembered the song "Disenchanted". When I think of My Chemical Romance, "Disenchanted" doesn't usually come to my mind but this time it does. After I listened to it again, I felt something strange. I felt sad, longing for something that I have lost, but at the same time, I accepted the losing.

Then I listened to their post-breakup songs. I like Gerard Way's "Brother", Frank Iero's "B.F.F.", and Ray Toro's "Isn't That Something". Listening to "Brother" after "Disenchanted" may not be a good idea because that "strange feeling" was doubled. Frank Iero's "B.F.F." is cute because he performs it with his twin daughters. "Isn't That Something" by Ray Toro is simply amazing. 

I watched the making of Helena video and I was like, "How can I just realise that Frank Iero was adorable?" In that video making process, Ray was like a dad keeping Frank from doing silly thing.

There was also this one interview with Frank Iero and Ray Toro that warmed my heart. A fan asked, "How does it feel when someone tells you that your band saved their life?" Frank said, "I'm happy that we inspired them but they need to give themselves more credit." And Ray added, "We might give them a little push with the song but it's definitely them finding the strength within themselves." 

I guess it's great to know how a band can inspire their fans even after the breakup. They also made their own eulogy, a song entitled "Fake Your Death". The song is honest and quite "raw", with video that contains so many "feels". Just look at all that pain.

"My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die," Gerard Way said in his "letter", which he closed with, "Because it is not a band- it is an idea." Yes, it is an idea that has inspired my teenaged self. I guess it was an idea that she wanted to keep and I'm thankful for that. Hi my teenaged self, I'm not okay but I am not afraid to keep on living. 

P.S. I've just found out that today's daily prompt is about song. What a coincidence!

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

I recently listen to some old Disney songs and I was captivated by "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" from Cinderella. The song is beautiful and it makes me emotional. I even cried a little bit when I listened to it. I don't know why, I guess it hit the right spot in my brain and I just cried.

There are 3 different versions that I listen to. I first listened to the original version then I found out that Carrie Hope Fletcher did a cover for the song. After that, I listened to Lily James' version. Which version do you like? I like all of them.

What's more interesting is, I find that some people admire how Cinderella could still be happy despite the fact that her stepmother and stepsisters treated her badly. Instead of being depressed, she sang and had faith in her dream. I know many people think that Cinderella is silly because she did nothing to get out of her condition. However let's just face that she was helpless. At that period of time you couldn't go to police and report child abuse. Well, I don't know much about European society back then. If you know anything about it, please write a comment.

The song she sang, "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" carries some messages. Let's take a look at the lyrics first.

A dream is a wish your heart makes

when you're fast asleep

In dream you will lose your heartaches

whatever you wish for you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday 

your rainbow will come smiling thru

No matter how your heart is grieving,

if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true

The first message that I got is everyone needs good sleep. Sleep helps your body maintain its function and clear your mind. That's why treatment for depression often involves keeping good quality of sleep. 

Secondly, the song is about optimism. You wish something and you believe you can get it.

The third message is this song, sung by Cinderella, can be an example of coping mechanism. Coping mechanism or defense mechanism or coping strategy is how people respond to stress. There are many examples of it. The one that Cinderella used is called sublimation. It means channeling stress or uncomfortable feeling into something useful or creative. You can read more about coping strategy here and here.

I think those are nice messages. I know that we don't live in fairy tale and we don't know how our tale will end. It doesn't matter. A little fantasy is always fine and the messages are still good.