Whom Will You Listen to Music with?

A while ago, a friend of mine shared in facebook about his Spotify Game of Thrones character. It is to find out which Game of Thrones character you will listen to music with. If you're curious, you can try it here.

I tried that and my Game of Thrones match is Joffrey Baratheon. It was because my Spotify playlist was 65% emo. I laughed when I saw the result. After getting the result, I could see "The Honoured Playlist of King Joffrey Baratheon" and I found "Welcome to the Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance. Great.

I actually hoped I shared music taste with the characters I admire, like Tyrion Lannister, Olenna Tyrell, or Podrick Payne. However, considering that Joffrey listened to My Chemical Romance, I don't mind listening to music with him as long as he doesn't harm me or my family. Oh well, he won't because 1) he's fictional, 2) he has joined the black parade (but not as the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned).

Now let's play the G note.

Boggart and Sexual Assault

In Harry Potter series, boggart is an amortal shape shifting non-being that takes on the form of viewer's worst fear.

Hermione's boggart on her third year was Professor McGonagall telling her that she failed all exams. Molly Weasley's boggart was the dead bodies of her family.

When I was at school, I thought my boggart would be like Hermione's since I was quite an overachiever. After I entered medical school, I found out that failure in exam was not that scary so I guessed my boggart would be the dead bodies of my family or friends.

Then I was sexually assaulted and I understood what fear was like. It was worse than failure in exam, even worse than losing a loved one. I'm fine with bad grade in university. I can deal with losing a family member or friend quite well. However, sexual assault is different.

There are countless times I regret the assault. It's irrational, though. I'm the victim but why would I regret? I just can't help it. I think about "what if" and "I should have" even when I'm fully aware that it was not my fault and I can't turn back time.

In Harry Potter series, we say "Riddikulus" to combat a boggart. While saying the charm, we need to concentrate on something funny that the boggart will change shape into.

Sadly, everytime I think about those who assaulted me, or any kind of sexual assault, I think about the scene in Game of Thrones where Arya killed Meryn Trant, the cruel knight who was also a pedophile. In that scene, Arya stabbed Meryn Trant several times in his eyes and chest then finally slitted his throat. I sometimes imagine myself doing that to those who assault me but imagination is imagination. I can't do that. I don't do such thing.

I haven't got any idea of something funny to change my boggart into because there is nothing funny about sexual assault.

Sansa Stark and Girl's Struggle

Game of Thrones season 6 is going to air soon. I'm a Game of Thrones completely internet fan. It means that I don't watch the entire show and I don't read the entire books either. I get information here and there from the internet and I can still call myself a fan, can't I?

I'm curious about Sansa's fate in season 6. Rumour says she will do good. I hope so because Sansa is my favourite character.

Why is Sansa my favourite character? Because, in my opinon, Sansa Stark is relatable. I guess every girl or woman, at some points in their life can relate to Sansa. There must be one time when a girl wants to speak up or put up a fight but hold herself because she remembers that "a lady's armor is courtesy" so she put her armor of courtesy to protect herself, to keep herself alive. If you consider that a weakness, then you don't understand. Some girls don't have many choices and all they want is to be alive and safe, and safe can be defined in various ways.

I also adore Arya. Many times I want to fight like Arya but I remember that I don't live in Westeros and I can't stab people as I want. I don't even know how to handle a sword. I think Sansa also wants to fight like Arya sometimes but she is aware that she can't do that. 

After all, those Stark sisters show and remind me the struggle of being a girl.

Green Things in My Fandoms

The prompt is "green" so I'm just going to brainstrom some green things in fandom.

Green is the colour of Slytherin. It's the house of those cunning folks who use any means to achieve their ends.

Harry Potter has green eyes. It is said that Harry has his mother's eyes. Rowling said if they were casting Lily, there needed to be a resemblance (in the eyes) but they don't absolutely have to be green.

The killing curse Avada Kedavra produces green light. On a side note, when writing this, I suddenly want to do flame test experiment and create green flame. I will ask my mother later. She's a chemistry teacher by the way.

House Tyrell has golden rose on green field as their sigil. They rule the Reach, the most fertile region and thus, the greenest part of Westeros.

There is a song by Panic! At The Disco called That Green Gentleman. I like the lyrics, "Things have changed for me and that's okay, I feel the same, I'm on my way." What I don't understand is the title. Why is the gentleman green? Why is the song given that title? Who wrote the lyrics and who gave the title? What did he think when he pick the title? Then I realise that the only sensible answer is, "Because it's a song by Panic! At The Disco."

I realise that I can't find any green thing related to My Chemical Romance. Well, Gerard Way hasn't dyed his hair green, has he?

Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy (and Some Courtesy)

When I was in middle school, Sweet Raindrop (not her real name) showed me the lyrics of "Build God then We'll Talk" by Panic! At The Disco. Here is a link to the song. I give the link to their "Live in Denver" performance instead of their official music video because: 1. the official music video contains "Porno Mime" and not everyone is comfortable to watch it, 2. Ryan Ross sang some lines in that live version and his voice was damn fine. 

The first time I read the lyrics, I said, "Whoa, it's more like a story than a song." The song tells a story of substandard motels on the corner of 4th and Fremont Street with wonderful caricature of intimacy inside. I had the habit of singing the line, "Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy" when I had to meet fake friends or attend an event that made me uncomfortable. I knew those fake friends and event participants weren't so "wonderful" as the people in the song but still, I felt the need to sing that line.

As I grew up, that habit disappeared. Perhaps because I didn't have to attend "event that made me uncomfortable" so often as before. However, now that I'm in my fangirl phase over Panic! At The Disco, that habit occurs again. The only difference is that I don't sing it aloud. 

It happened a while ago when my mother told me to be courteous so I can keep myself away from trouble. That was difficult. Not that I'm a rude person. I just act aloof when someone makes me uneasy. However, my mom told me to be courteous. What?! Why? How? Then that one line from the song was played in the back of my mind.

In "A Clash of King," it is said that Septa Mordane used to tell Sansa that a lady's armor is courtesy. Sansa took that advice and she stayed alive in King's Landing. I didn't expect my mother would give me the same advice as Septa Mordane. 

I'm not a tenant in substandard motel on the corner of 4th and Fremont Street. My situation is much safer than Sansa Stark's in "A Clash of King". I don't mind some courtesy, either. I'm just not ready to be a lady with proper armor.

Hiraeth and Needle

The prompt is "longing". It reminds me of two words: hiraeth and Needle.

According to Wikipedia, hiraeth is a Welsh word with no direct English translation. Oxford and Merriam Webster define hiraeth as: (noun) "a homesickness for a home you cannot return to, or that never was". It is a mix of longing, yearning, nostalgia, wistfulness, or an earnest desire for the Wales of the past. 

 

Pamela Petro explained hiraeth in the post Dreaming in Welsh. She wrote, "In 1282, Wales became the first colony of the English empire. Because England eventually ruled half the globe, we all know its first colony by the name the colonizers gave it: Wales, which means 'Place of the Others,' or 'Place of the Romanized Foreigners'." She continued, "To Welsh speakers, Wales is Cymru (pronounced Kum-ree): home of the Cymry, or fellow countrymen."

The Welsh feel hiraeth for the Wales of the past that they cannot return to. This reminds of a paragraph from "A Feast for Crows" by George. R. R. Martin, when Arya had to give up all her belongings. It meant that she also had to give up Needle, her sword.

Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow's smile. He used to mess my hair and call me "little sister," she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. 

The word hiraeth and that one paragraph can always give me emotion which I can't describe.

They make me smile. A sad smile.