His Name is Brendon Urie, Dad (This Post is not a Fanfiction)

I put the disclaimer in the title. Why would I mention fanfiction? Because it sounds like fanfiction title to me. 

Today I watched Brendon Urie on YouTube then my father came behind me and asked, "Who is that?" I was shocked because I was actually supposed to write my draft for scientific journal or to study for comprehensive exam, yet I watched Brendon Urie talk. I answered nervously, "His name is Brendon Urie, Dad." I thought my father would tell me that I should stop watching videos but instead he said, "He looks like your aunt's friend, but with glasses (in the video, Brendon Urie wore glasses). I just wondered why my daughter looked at her aunt's friend in the internet. Really, they look so similar." My response was like, "Huh?" And my father continued his story, "That friend of your aunt wanted to marry her but your aunt rejected him." I just said, "Whoa, really?"

So, today I found out that my aunt almost married a pseudo Brendon Urie. I also learned that I should be more careful when searching, reading, or watching random things in the internet or my parents would find out (naughty kid mode: on). Well, Brendon Urie video is not so random compared to other things I sometimes find in the internet, both intentionally or accidentally.

Now it's time to do what I'm supposed to do: studying, in Saturday night, with no snack to accompany me. How sad, but Brendon Urie says, "Smile even though you're sad."

Death of a Bachelor

I'm addicted to the song "Death of a Bachelor" by Panic! At The Disco. After My Chemical Romance, now Panic! At The Disco. Help, I'm overwhelmed!

In an interview, Brendon Urie said that the song was inspired by his wife and how he now lived different life. Unfortunately, I can't find the link to that interview video. In I other words, "Death of a Bachelor" is about change in life.

The greatest change in my life, until now, happens after I entered medical school. It was a big decision that I made myself and I, at some points, screw it up. 

If I hadn't been a medical student, I would have been a civil engineering student. That was my second choice. I guess instead of learning how to examine meningeal signs or reading physiology book, I would discuss how to build a strong yet cost-effective bridge or draw a building structure.

Medical school gives me a lot of stories. Some stories are worth to tell, some are meant to be secret. 

I experience failure multiple times in medical school. I even came to the point where I didn't want to try anymore because I felt my trying was useless. 

I procrastinate a lot in medical school. Something that should be taboo considering we have plenty of works to do, material to study, and skill to practice.

I feel frustation many times because I don't understand some subjects. That frustration can lead to feeling of guilt since I remind myself that one day someone's life will depend on my knowledge of the subjects.

I got my first depression, too. And if someday I meet a patient with depression who is reluctant to get medical treatment, I think I will understand that patient. Because I know how it feels to be scared of telling others about your depression.

I also had to deal with mental trauma after sexual assault while, at the same time I had to study some medical stuff. It went badly. The trauma won. I couldn't study well.

However, I have some nice friends in medical school.

They are friends who remind me that happiness and health matter more than good grade. Our knowledge is important but we try to pursue it while keeping our body healthy and our mind sane. We cheer each other when trouble happens. We share gossip, news, and fantasy. We also study and practice OSCE together, in our way. 

I don't know if I would experience these kinds of failure, procrastination, frustration, depression, and friendship had I been a civil engineering student. I can't even imagine how it would have been if I hadn't entered medical school. 

My "bachelor" version died the day I became a medical student. And I don't regret it. Well, maybe sometimes.