Slytherpuff Friendship

I see that many people post about friendship between Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Here I want to share my experience because I'm a Hufflepuff and my friend Lady Slytherin is, obviously a Slytherin.

Hufflepuff gets this reputation of being kind and loyal, even adorable. Slytherin, on the other hand, has the stereotype of being ambitious and evil. However, Lady Slytherin and I don't fit that stereotype. She's a sweet yet sarcastic Slytherin while I'm a troubled yet hilarious Hufflepuff. We also have different MBTI; she's INTJ, I'm ISFP.

Our friendship consists of:

1. Hufflepuff shares weird thing that she finds on the internet
2. Slytherin has various reaction to that weird thing: "hahaha", "what the hell", "aaaarrrghh", etc
3. oh wait, Slytherin also shares weird thing
4. we both can relate to Sirius Black's scene, "I did my waiting" because that would be our reaction when we finally become doctor
5. we have only one mutual fandom: Harry Potter
6. we respect each other's fandom but constantly compare them: she likes Tolkien's works, while I like A Song of Ice and Fire by George. R. R. Martin (Hufflepuff isn't always about cute story, you know)
7. Hufflepuff is that emo kid who still plays songs by My Chemical Romance
8. Slytherin is not really into bandom
9. our conversation starts with normal everyday thing but ends up with something absurd
10. usually I'm the one who makes the convo absurd
11. Hufflepuff relationship advice consists of: fiction book and some weird things from the internet (if you don't get it, it's all right)
12. Slytherin is more mature when it comes to relationship advice: give and take should be balanced, you should love yourself first, etc
13. still, we both don't really have good luck in relationship (being single for too long time and spending too much time with fictional characters, duh)
14. but if someday Lady Slytherin finds someone, I'm ready to ship them, they would be my OTP
15. and if someday I find someone, she would be surprised first because I'm not always that interested in relationship, not even fictional relationship
16. anyway, we love bookstore; we can just go to the bookstore trying the quill (kidding) or pen then feel happy 
17. or just look at the book covers and make joke about them
18. or give each other book recommendation
19. or give each other encouragement to buy book like, "Buy this Game of Thrones novel! You want it, right?" 

The list can be longer but I think that's enough for now. Do you have any experience with inter-house relationship?

Denial of a Harry Potter Fan

Let's talk about denial. It's one example of primitive defense mechanisms. It means refusal to accept reality or fact. 

As a Harry Potter fan, I deny the fact that Cursed Child exists. Okay, the story has been released quite a while ago and I'm a bit late to write it in my blog. However, it's my blog so I can write whatever I want here. 

I myself haven't read the book or watched the play but the internet is dark and full of spoiler (mimicking Melisandre) so I read the spoiler and curse the plot because it doesn't make sense. To be honest, it feels like fanfiction to me. 

I don't want to spoil a lot here but let me mention things that bother me. First of all, Voldemort. Never have I ever thought that Voldemort was capable of doing that.

Second: Cedric. He was a kind person and what he does in Cursed Child is out of character. A kind Hufflepuff won't do that. 

Third is Harry Potter. Really, what he said to Albus is unacceptable. Oh well, parents make mistake but again, that's out of character, especially when this character is Harry Potter.

Enough of my ramble. I'm out. See you in my next post.

My First Ship

In fandom, there is the term "ship". This is where you want characters to have relationship. It doesn't only happen in fiction fandom but also in music fandom. It happens in most fandoms, I guess (I say most because maybe there is a fandom that doesn't have ship).

I don't like shipping. I once wrote in my post "Confession of a Fanfic Reader" that I prefer friendship. 

However, one day, out of nowhere, I got a shipping idea. I didn't even simply ship two fictional characters or such. I shipped an internet friend of mine with someone in one of my fandoms. For a few weeks, I searched in the internet for the right wedding dress and veil for the bride. I browsed wedding flowers and what kind of party they would have. I even came to the point where I imagined their wedding vow.

That imagination doesn't come to my mind anymore. Maybe the wind blows the ship to somewhere faraway. A good place, I hope.

Still, I prefer friendship to romance.

Sanctuary in Warm Hug

Today's prompt is sanctuary. Reading that word, my mind wasn't directed to certain place but to warm hug. From that, I started to think that I read fanfic too often.

I don't remember if I ever give warm hug. I usually just give casual hug or side hug. However, I like hug scene in fiction, be it friendly hug, brotherly hug, or romantic hug. It just seems warm and comfortable. Often, the character feels safe and protected while being hugged. That's why I associate the word sanctuary with warm hug; because of fiction, or fanfic.

It is said that hug can increase oxytocin release. According to Marieb and Hoehn (2013), as neurotransmitter, oxytocin is involved in sexual and affectionate behaviour. It promotes nurturing, couple bonding, and trust.

What about reading hug scene? Do I experience oxytocin release while reading hug scene? If Does it mean that I'm affected in the matter of nurturing, couple bonding, and trust? It that's true, it may explain our emotional bonding to fictional character.

On a side note, since oxytocin promotes trust, do not hug someone you don't want to trust. Do not even imagine hugging a fictional character you don't want to trust. Really, we can't be sure about oxytocin and its magic.

P.S.

Oxytocin acts as both hormone and neurotransmitter. As hormone, oxytocin is involved in uterine contraction (during labor) and milk ejection.

If you can explain more about oxytocin or if you think I make mistake in this post (or in any post), please let me know.

Talking about Fandom: the Feels

In fandom there is the term "feeling" which is shortened to "feels". It is that moment when you feel overwhelmed by something. You may call it sadness but it's different kind of sadness. It's just difficult to describe so we simply call it "feels".

If you want to see some examples, I once wrote a post entitled "Jleb" Harry Potter Moments. Yeah, it's quite similar to "jleb" in Indonesian.

However, no matter how overwhelming it is, we often intentionally hit ourselves with "feels". Here are two examples. Harry Potter fans know that Fred Weasley's death was sad but they still search in the internet for meme or fanfic or anything related to it, only to get struck with "feels" afterward. My Chemical Romance fans can get "feels" only by listening to any of their song but still, they listen to the songs, watch the videos on YouTube, watch past interviews, or read old articles. 

Why do we do that? Is it like when we fall in love? I mean, when we fall in love, we experience increase of dopamine and oxytocin. According to Marieb and Hoehn (2013), dopamine is "feel good" neurotransmitter; the ecstasy of romantic love may be just a brain bath of glutamate and norepinephrine, which act on the reward system to release dopamine. Oxytocin, on the other hand, promotes nurturing, couple bonding, and trust.

Questions:

1. Is our feeling in fandom similar to those of people who fall in love? Or is it just obsession?

2. If it's because of dopamine, why do we feel this strange emotion? Dopamine is supposed to make us feel good, right? Why do I feel miserable instead?

3. How long does it normally last?

Well, I guess for those who are not in fandom, it may sound like we punish ourselves. However, for people involved in fandom, it's just a normal activity. We sometimes even think, "I'm in the good mood for sad fanfic. Let me search and read. Don't disturb me while I'm suffering with this mess called 'feels'!"

Also, if you're interested in learning neurology, psychiatry, and fandom psychology, I have those three questions above. You may use it for research idea or something. 

Talking about Fandom: Is It Just a Phase?

Oxford dictionary has some definition of phase. The first definition is "a distinct period or stage in a process of change or forming part of something's development". That definition has more sub-definition (I don't know what to call it): 1.1. a stage in a person's psychological development, especially a period of temporary difficulty during adolescence or particular stage during childhood; 1.2. a stage in the life cycle or annual cycle of an animal.

When I was a kid, I read and watched Detective Conan a lot. My dad told me, "You won't like Detective Conan anymore when you grow up." I responded, "I will like Conan until I'm old."

It turned out that my dad was right, partly. As I grew up, I became less obsessed with Conan but then a day came when my cousin let me read some Conan comics that she borrowed from her friend. I was obsessed with Conan again, for days, or weeks. I even considered naming my motorcycle Conan although I then put the idea at the back of my mind.

So my dad thought that my obsessive-fangirl-state is just a once-in-a-lifetime phase but it didn't turn that way. My obsession is a part of a bigger cycle which I call a fan cycle. It happens this way: I discover something good -> I become curious -> I try to know more about it -> I like it more -> I'm obsessed for a period of time -> dormant period -> I discover another something good -> repeat cycle. That's what happens to me. 

Fan cycle can vary to different people. Some people may stay in obessive phase forever. Some people exeperience multiple cycles at once, which means that they are into multiple fandoms with almost same amount of love and attention (or obsession). Some people don't go further than the discovering phase.

One cycle of specific fan cycle can stop happening then occur again after a long time. It happens to me with Detective Conan, as I mention above. I also experienced my My-Chemical-Romance-fan-cycle again after years of not really thinking about them.

Why and how a long forgotten fan cycle can occur again in our head? That's a topic for another post.

Hyperventilating Fangirl

I like Panic! At The Disco but I don't know all of their songs. Today was the first time I heard the song "She Had the World" and I loved it. The song was beautiful and I got teary eyes from the emotion. After that, I heard the part where Ryan sang and I made hyperventilating noise.

I didn't really have difficulty in breathing when listening to Ryan Ross. It was just kind of habit. I don't always like his voice but when his voice is damn fine (in my opinion), I make hyperventilating noise. I haven't found out why. I know that some psychological condition like panic attack can cause real hyperventilation but I didn't experience panic attack. I experience Panic! At The Disco attack. Are they the same thing? I don't think so.

Idea for next research or whatever: cause of hyperventilation among fangirl. Anyone involved in fandom and interested in pulmonology and neuropsychiatry? Here I've given you idea.

Talking about Fandom: That Moment When You Can't Function

The prompt today is clarity. Why is the prompt "clarity" when I can't think clearly now? 

My feeling is wrecked by an abandoned fanfic. Plus, the author abandoned it in an emotional part where the problem hadn't been solved and now I'm flooded with affection toward the main character. How I want to hug him and tell him everything is all right and he is enough. It may sound silly but that's what I feel now.

Have you ever felt that kind of emotion for someone you don't even know in person? Fiction readers deal with that many times. Anyone involved in fandom deals with that.

However, not many people understand that feeling so that may be the reason why there is fandom community in internet. You can find it in the form of blog, discussion forum, pinterest board, instagram account, YouTube videos, or anything. It's like a support group where fans share stories and understand each other.

Such community can either push you further into the depth of emotional valley or help you get up and face the real world. I experience both.

After a while, things will be better and I hope we can function again. We, fandom "residents" can always face both real and fictional world. We are strong enough.

Talking about Fandom: Definition

Out of nowhere, I want to talk about fandom.

According to Wikipedia, fandom is a term used to refer to a subculture composed of fans characterized by a feeling of empathy and camaraderie with others who share a common interest. Note the keywords: fan, empathy, camaraderie, and common interest.

We all know what fan means. Oxford dictionary defines fan as a person who has a strong interest in or admiration for a particular person or thing. I myself am a fan of Harry Potter, My Chemical Romance, etc. More on this later.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It's different from sympathy. Sympathy means feeling of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. However, I was a bit confused with the second definition of sympathy. It is said that sympathy means understanding between people; common feeling. I then remember a lecturer said, "With your patient, you have to show empathy but you aren't allowed to show sympathy. You should understand their feeling but you can't, for example, hug them or cry with them."

In fandom, we can still find different opinions but, with that definition from Wikipedia, a fan is supposed to understand the feeling of other fans.

Camaraderie means mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together. I'm surprised. I myself understand that we can find friends in fandom but I'm not sure with mutual trust. Is it just me?

I feel the camaraderie with my close friends. However, in the topic of fandom, camaraderie is strong with Lady Slytherin. We both like Harry Potter and discuss about it almost everyday.

Common interest is common interest. I don't even need to explain it, do I? 

To be continued ...