Talking about Fandom: Is It Just a Phase?

Oxford dictionary has some definition of phase. The first definition is "a distinct period or stage in a process of change or forming part of something's development". That definition has more sub-definition (I don't know what to call it): 1.1. a stage in a person's psychological development, especially a period of temporary difficulty during adolescence or particular stage during childhood; 1.2. a stage in the life cycle or annual cycle of an animal.

When I was a kid, I read and watched Detective Conan a lot. My dad told me, "You won't like Detective Conan anymore when you grow up." I responded, "I will like Conan until I'm old."

It turned out that my dad was right, partly. As I grew up, I became less obsessed with Conan but then a day came when my cousin let me read some Conan comics that she borrowed from her friend. I was obsessed with Conan again, for days, or weeks. I even considered naming my motorcycle Conan although I then put the idea at the back of my mind.

So my dad thought that my obsessive-fangirl-state is just a once-in-a-lifetime phase but it didn't turn that way. My obsession is a part of a bigger cycle which I call a fan cycle. It happens this way: I discover something good -> I become curious -> I try to know more about it -> I like it more -> I'm obsessed for a period of time -> dormant period -> I discover another something good -> repeat cycle. That's what happens to me. 

Fan cycle can vary to different people. Some people may stay in obessive phase forever. Some people exeperience multiple cycles at once, which means that they are into multiple fandoms with almost same amount of love and attention (or obsession). Some people don't go further than the discovering phase.

One cycle of specific fan cycle can stop happening then occur again after a long time. It happens to me with Detective Conan, as I mention above. I also experienced my My-Chemical-Romance-fan-cycle again after years of not really thinking about them.

Why and how a long forgotten fan cycle can occur again in our head? That's a topic for another post.

The Day Before Thesis Exam

On Wednesday, March 16th, I had thesis examination. It means that I presented my thesis in front of my counsellors and examiners. 

I stated in this blog that I didn't really like public speaking. However, the day before my exam, I felt okay. In fact, I was excited to present my thesis, which was a surprising fact considering that 1) I would talk in front of people, 2) I would be asked questions about my thesis, 3) I would present my thesis in a meeting room in the hospital, a place that never made me comfortable.

That day, I made power point presentation and read my thesis again. Yes, I know it was late. I procrastinated too much. 

Also, my dad caught me watching Brendon Urie video again. He said, "Prepare for your presentation. Stop playing around!" Why does my dad always catch me watching Brendon Urie?

Talking about Brendon Urie, I was careful to choose what songs I listened to that day. I didn't listen to "Build God, then We'll Talk" no matter how tempting it was. I didn't listen to "Northern Downpour" either because I could get strange feeling from it. I even held myself from listening to My Chemical Romance because their songs might evoke various emotion and hit me right in the "feel". 

So I decided to listen to Nine in the Afternoon, Ready to Go, and Always. All by Panic! At the Disco. Duh.

I also had a chat with Dika and he said, "Good luck. You can read fanfics first!" And strangely, I did. I read some fanfics that day. 

My state of being not nervous worried me. I started to think that I might take it too easy. I told another friend that I didn't feel nervous and I didn't really care if I couldn't answer the question. I told him that I didn't know whether it was good or bad sign. He said, "It may be a good sign but you not caring somehow sounds badass." I laughed at his response.

I slept well that night. Still not worried about my exam.

His Name is Brendon Urie, Dad (This Post is not a Fanfiction)

I put the disclaimer in the title. Why would I mention fanfiction? Because it sounds like fanfiction title to me. 

Today I watched Brendon Urie on YouTube then my father came behind me and asked, "Who is that?" I was shocked because I was actually supposed to write my draft for scientific journal or to study for comprehensive exam, yet I watched Brendon Urie talk. I answered nervously, "His name is Brendon Urie, Dad." I thought my father would tell me that I should stop watching videos but instead he said, "He looks like your aunt's friend, but with glasses (in the video, Brendon Urie wore glasses). I just wondered why my daughter looked at her aunt's friend in the internet. Really, they look so similar." My response was like, "Huh?" And my father continued his story, "That friend of your aunt wanted to marry her but your aunt rejected him." I just said, "Whoa, really?"

So, today I found out that my aunt almost married a pseudo Brendon Urie. I also learned that I should be more careful when searching, reading, or watching random things in the internet or my parents would find out (naughty kid mode: on). Well, Brendon Urie video is not so random compared to other things I sometimes find in the internet, both intentionally or accidentally.

Now it's time to do what I'm supposed to do: studying, in Saturday night, with no snack to accompany me. How sad, but Brendon Urie says, "Smile even though you're sad."