Don't Need to Fear a Hand for Help

A while ago, I discovered a song "Where I Belong" by Ryan Ross. You can listen to it in soundcloud. I also find fan-made lyrics video in YouTube (turn on the subtitle).

If you read the YouTube comments, you will see that many of them talk about the line, "I know I should've never left." They think that perhaps he regrets leaving Panic! At The Disco and they get "feels" from that line. I admit, at first I also got "feels" from it.

However, as I listen to the song over, I got hit by the lines "Don't need to fear a hand for help." Damn it, Ryan Ross.

That one line reminds me of myself. Many times I find myself in big problem and I don't ask for help. I usually think, "It's not a big deal. I'm fine. I can solve it." When I finally can't solve it, and the problem reaches crisis, that's when I ask for help. Often I get asked, "Why didn't you just tell me earlier?" Difficult question. I can't answer that. I really don't have valid reason about why I don't ask for help earlier. Maybe it's because I'm emotionally reserved, or I'm secretly afraid of something wrong that might happen if I ask for help. Maybe I just can't trust people easily. 

Well, I guess I need to gather courage to ask for help with some unsolved problems because, as Ryan Ross said, "This war ain't gonna fix itself." 

Songs That Sounds Like Fiction

Yesterday's prompt is "stairway" and my mind instantly remember the song Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.  I mention that song several times in this blog, by the way. 

Stairway to Heaven is one of those songs which lyrics sound like fiction. The story features a lady who is buying a stairway to heaven. My favourite is the live version in Madison Square Garden, New York city, 1973. Not only that we can listen to longer solo guitar by Jimmy Page, we can also watch Robert Plant's gesture. Robert Plant did look like telling a story in that live version.

Another fiction-like song is Hotel California by Eagles. It tells a story about a hotel on a dark desert highway but it later turns out that the hotel is only programmed to receive. I looked for the live version and I found this video. I was surprised to see that the singer also played drum. That was rare for me. On a side note, my favourite part of that song lyrics is "This could be heaven or this could be hell." That describes my life choice.

I also like Temple of the King by Rainbow. For some unknown reasons, everytime I listen to that song, I remember Kung Fu Panda. The strong young man in that song is Po and the temple of the king is Jade Palace. Really, I'm stuck with that messed up interpretation. I'm sorry, Ritchie Blackmore. I usually listen to this version but when I searched for the live version, I found this.

And finally, another song that sounds like fiction - which I happen to mention a lot in this blog - is Build God then We'll Talk by Panic! At The Disco. The song sets in a substandard motel and the characters are an attorney, his Mrs., and a virgin. The attorney cheated with the virgin but his Mrs. chose to stay with him: wonderful caricature of intimacy. How did Ryan Ross get the idea for the lyrics? My favourite version of that song is from Live in Denver because we can listen to Brendon Urie's vocal, watch his expression and gesture (he really told a story), and listen to Ryan Ross' damn-fine part.

Oh, by the way, I think it would be nice if someone write fiction based on any song lyrics in this post. Write about that lady with stairway to heaven. What will happen to her and the stairway? Will she take someone or some people to walk on the stairway with her? Write about that person in Hotel California. What will happen to him? Will he try to escape or accept his fate? Write about that strong young man. Will the king give him task or something? Write about the people in that motel. What will happen to the virgin after she begins to work at the firm? What does the Mrs. keep in her purse? Will the lawyer leave his Mrs or stay with her?

Hyperventilating Fangirl

I like Panic! At The Disco but I don't know all of their songs. Today was the first time I heard the song "She Had the World" and I loved it. The song was beautiful and I got teary eyes from the emotion. After that, I heard the part where Ryan sang and I made hyperventilating noise.

I didn't really have difficulty in breathing when listening to Ryan Ross. It was just kind of habit. I don't always like his voice but when his voice is damn fine (in my opinion), I make hyperventilating noise. I haven't found out why. I know that some psychological condition like panic attack can cause real hyperventilation but I didn't experience panic attack. I experience Panic! At The Disco attack. Are they the same thing? I don't think so.

Idea for next research or whatever: cause of hyperventilation among fangirl. Anyone involved in fandom and interested in pulmonology and neuropsychiatry? Here I've given you idea.

Z Berg's Personal Narrative

A few days ago I opened Ryan Ross' facebook page and scrolled a bit too far through it. Don't ask me why I did that.

I found a post from 2014 about Z Berg's EP. In the last paragraph, he said, "If I had to offer one piece of advice: Write a song that moves people, and write it from within yourself. Your personal narrative is more engaging and moving than anything else you can imagine in your mind. Z writes real, personal songs, and that's why they're as powerful as they are."

I listened from soundcloud and my first impression was, I felt comfortable to listen to the songs, even before I understood the lyrics.

I like the song Charades. On a side note, when I read the word "charades" I felt familiar then I realised that my family car is Daihatsu Charade. Fine, then.

I searched for the lyrics and found them on Z Berg's bandcamp. That moment, I understood what Ryan Ross meant with "real, personal songs." The lyrics are honest but not brutal. They're beautiful, delicate even. 

The lyrics for "Killing Time" song touched me. It talks about dysfunctional relationship (I guess) and instead of expressing direct anger or sadness, this song expresses a kind of frustration. It's the feeling when your common sense tells you something is wrong but you convince yourself that it's all right. What kind of feeling is that? This time, I still call that frustation, and it doesn't only happen in relationship.

In some ways, I find the song "I Fall for the Same Face" funny. It reminds me of that time when I was a teenager and I was always attracted to guys who, have almost similar features. Even my friends could see which guy I would be interested in because it was quite predictable.

And that was how I found comfort in listening to a songwriter's - as Ryan Ross said - personal narrative.

I Love You for Sentimental Reasons

Reading the word "sentimental," I remember the song "(I Love You) for Sentimental Reasons" by Ivory "Deek" Watson and William "Pat" Best. I found three versions in YouTube. There are two versions by Deek Watson and The Brown Dots and another version by Nat King Cole. Nat King Cole's version was the one I knew when I heard this song for the first time.

Oxford dictionary defines sentimental as "of the emotions, rather than reason." I then realise that, many times, I fall in love without understanding the reason. I may learn why I love that person later but sometimes I just don't know. Does it mean that I love a person for sentimental reasons? Maybe. Or maybe there are reasons that my subconscious mind understands.

Now I'm in love again, for sentimental reasons, with Ryan Ross. Oh, it's not actual love, just another obsession. After Brendon Urie, now Ryan Ross. I'm not sure when this fangirl phase will end. It is said that once you enter a fandom, you will find it difficult to go out.