Talking about Fandom: the Feels

In fandom there is the term "feeling" which is shortened to "feels". It is that moment when you feel overwhelmed by something. You may call it sadness but it's different kind of sadness. It's just difficult to describe so we simply call it "feels".

If you want to see some examples, I once wrote a post entitled "Jleb" Harry Potter Moments. Yeah, it's quite similar to "jleb" in Indonesian.

However, no matter how overwhelming it is, we often intentionally hit ourselves with "feels". Here are two examples. Harry Potter fans know that Fred Weasley's death was sad but they still search in the internet for meme or fanfic or anything related to it, only to get struck with "feels" afterward. My Chemical Romance fans can get "feels" only by listening to any of their song but still, they listen to the songs, watch the videos on YouTube, watch past interviews, or read old articles. 

Why do we do that? Is it like when we fall in love? I mean, when we fall in love, we experience increase of dopamine and oxytocin. According to Marieb and Hoehn (2013), dopamine is "feel good" neurotransmitter; the ecstasy of romantic love may be just a brain bath of glutamate and norepinephrine, which act on the reward system to release dopamine. Oxytocin, on the other hand, promotes nurturing, couple bonding, and trust.

Questions:

1. Is our feeling in fandom similar to those of people who fall in love? Or is it just obsession?

2. If it's because of dopamine, why do we feel this strange emotion? Dopamine is supposed to make us feel good, right? Why do I feel miserable instead?

3. How long does it normally last?

Well, I guess for those who are not in fandom, it may sound like we punish ourselves. However, for people involved in fandom, it's just a normal activity. We sometimes even think, "I'm in the good mood for sad fanfic. Let me search and read. Don't disturb me while I'm suffering with this mess called 'feels'!"

Also, if you're interested in learning neurology, psychiatry, and fandom psychology, I have those three questions above. You may use it for research idea or something. 

Slow Romantic Activity

Today's prompt is "slowly". I instantly think about romantic stuffs like slow dance and slow kiss. 

I'm not a fan of romance but still, I think those slow romantic activities sounds sweet, lovely, beautiful, etc. Although in some situation they make me cringe (sorry).

However, I don't think I will be able to do any romantic thing slowly because I'm awkward and sometimes overly excited. It means that if I have romantic feeling on someone, I would either do nothing (to avoid awkwardness) or do something silly (because I can't contain my excitement). That something silly includes me talking fast and trying hard not to grin too wide. 

My behaviour makes me wonder about some things. How can people dance slowly with their loved ones? You're couple and you don't hug and jump through the music? Even if the song is slow, you may want to jump a little? How can the bride in Western wedding walk down the aisle? It's your wedding day, you're getting married, you don't want to run or jump? How can you kiss slo... Oh wait, I don't even want to know about that now. 

Please be kind to answer my questions. This is for research (not really, I'm just curious).

Dress Shopping

"This dress looks funny," you pointed a dress.
"Oh, that mermaid cut dress?"
"It's called mermaid cut? Well, I want to try it."
You hurried into dressing room before I could respond.
"Do I look like Ariel now?" You asked while posing.
"Hahaha... Yeah, but instead of trying to be human, you ask the prince to be merman."
"That sounds like something you would do. Oh God, this dress is difficult to walk in," you said.
"That's a mermaid dress. Maybe you should swim instead?"
We wandered around the shop again. You tried on dress after dress while making some jokes (well, actually I made more jokes).
"You know, wearing these dresses makes me feel like a fairy tale character. Once I'm a mermaid, then I'm a princess with ball gown ready for masquerade, another time I'm a Greek goddess who blesses and curses anytime I want. I like them but I feel weird to wear them."
"Maybe we can try to look for tea length dress. It may suit your carefree vibes better. I mean, you don't have to wear long dress in your wedding," I offer.
"Really? I'm allowed to do that? Why didn't you tell me earlier? I thought those white midi dresses are for bridesmaids."
"I thought you knew. Have you ever read any wedding related stuff?" I asked in disbelief.
"Never. That's part of your duty as bridesmaid."
I facepalmed.

P.S. 
"Why isn't there any bridal shop assistant in this fic?"
"Because it's fiction (?) I want it that way."

Walk under the Rain (and Frog Quiz)

I'll walk under the rain in this journey with you. No, it won't be like that beautiful rainy scene in any movie. We will just be two people that dance and sing while getting wet, like frogs. You're a Pacific tree frog and I'm white's tree frog.

P.S. Find out what kind of frog you are in this quiz.

My Exam Hangover

I've had my comprehensive exams. I had comprehensive OSCE on Thursday, June 16th and comprehensive CBT on Tuesday, June 21st. Now I'm waiting for the result.

After exam I feel this condition I call exam hangover. I was curious to find out whether other people ever call it exam hangover so I google it. I found two proper results.

One result is from Urban Dictionary. According to Urban Dictionary, exam hangover is that period between the end post-secondary exams and the next day you can think. I also found an article, "A Remedy for Your University Exam Hangover".

I haven't done much during this exam hangover. I definitely don't study medical stuff (sorry). I borrow a novel from local library but I haven't even started reading it. I haven't written a letter for my German penpal (please wait patiently, dear). I want to buy flowers and arrange them but I'm currently saving my money for something else. 

In that article I share the link above, the writer experience 4 week exam hangover. I hope mine is shorter. Now I'm going to open the novel I borrow.

Voronezh or Sarov

"I've always wanted to visit Russia," I told the Russian scientist.

"You have nothing to do in Russia."

"I want to watch ballet in Bolshoi. Seriously."

"Eheu! Ballet in theatre. Red square. **** that. If you want to visit Russia, go to Voronezh or Sarov."

"What can I do in Voronezh or Sarov?"

"Drink bad beer, smoke a cigarette, and start hating the world."

"I neither drink beer or smoke but I can take part on that 'hating the world' "

"You will start when you arrive in Voronezh."


Note:

• The conversation above actually happened between a Russian friend and me. I searched for Voronezh and Sarov in Google and I found that Voronezh looks like typical European city while Sarov, as Wikipedia said, is closed as it is the Russian centre for nuclear research. If you have ever visited or even lived in Voronezh, could you please tell me why my friend said that way about the city?
• "Eheu!" is Latin word which means "Alas!" or "Oh my God!" (according to Google translate and my friend).
• Just in case you know me in real life and worry about my health, I feel the need to state this once again. I don't smoke. I don't drink alcoholic beverage.

When You Lose Your Playful Mood

I haven't felt well lately but I have been in playful mood. I studied for comprehensive exam then I made something like cubeecraft or flower crown. I was just excited to make crafts that I felt okay despite the illness.

My mood changed when I heard a bad news from a friend. A friend of mine, also a medical student, has been lost since Saturday. By "lost" I really mean that no one sees him or hear anything from him. He didn't even bring his phone.

It's sad. Now we, all of his friends, are worried. His parents have informed the police and we try to contact and inform as many people as possible to help us, just in case anyone sees our friend.

The illness almost doesn't bother me at all now because this bad news has bothered me enough.