Boggart and Sexual Assault

In Harry Potter series, boggart is an amortal shape shifting non-being that takes on the form of viewer's worst fear.

Hermione's boggart on her third year was Professor McGonagall telling her that she failed all exams. Molly Weasley's boggart was the dead bodies of her family.

When I was at school, I thought my boggart would be like Hermione's since I was quite an overachiever. After I entered medical school, I found out that failure in exam was not that scary so I guessed my boggart would be the dead bodies of my family or friends.

Then I was sexually assaulted and I understood what fear was like. It was worse than failure in exam, even worse than losing a loved one. I'm fine with bad grade in university. I can deal with losing a family member or friend quite well. However, sexual assault is different.

There are countless times I regret the assault. It's irrational, though. I'm the victim but why would I regret? I just can't help it. I think about "what if" and "I should have" even when I'm fully aware that it was not my fault and I can't turn back time.

In Harry Potter series, we say "Riddikulus" to combat a boggart. While saying the charm, we need to concentrate on something funny that the boggart will change shape into.

Sadly, everytime I think about those who assaulted me, or any kind of sexual assault, I think about the scene in Game of Thrones where Arya killed Meryn Trant, the cruel knight who was also a pedophile. In that scene, Arya stabbed Meryn Trant several times in his eyes and chest then finally slitted his throat. I sometimes imagine myself doing that to those who assault me but imagination is imagination. I can't do that. I don't do such thing.

I haven't got any idea of something funny to change my boggart into because there is nothing funny about sexual assault.

Things to Remember When You're Sexually Assaulted

I haven't posted for a long time and I haven't finished my undergraduate thesis. In this post, I won't talk about my thesis. I want to talk about another important issue: sexual assault.

I have been sexually assault twice. Those weren't rape but unwanted sexual touching. Sure I wasn't raped but I can still feel the mental trauma. And if you experience sexual assault, these are things to remember.

1. It's not your clothes' fault
Some people say that sexual assault is also the victim's fault for wearing revealing clothes. Really? The last time I got sexually assaulted, I wore trousers, long sleeved shirt, and a jacket zipped up to my neck. Now should I blame my jacket? To make it fair, if we tell girls and women to dress modestly, we must also remember to tell boys and men to respect girls and women.

2. You can't blame yourself for not knowing how to react
When someone is sexually assaulted, they're shocked. Worse, they may not react properly. I used to blame myself for that. I thought, "Why didn't I scream? Why didn't I just hit and run?" However, the truth is, sometimes we just can't react.

3. It's not your fault
Sexual assault is a crime, just like robbery. When there is robbery, can we blame the victim because they have a valuable things so they're robbed? No. It goes the same with sexual assault. We can't blame the victim.

4. Don't be afraid to tell someone 
I know some victims feel ashamed to tell about their experience. I tell you something, it's not you who should feel ashamed. It's the person who assault that should feel ashamed because they do such crime. Also, remember that if you don't tell someone, there may be more victims in the future.

Are there more things that should be remembered by sexual assault victims?